She felt like there was a current in her body, electricity rushing through her veins and making it impossible to keep still. She wished she could be still, that she could just stop moving and enjoy the movie playing for the hundredth time on her computer screen, or relax with a good book, anything other than practically pacing her small room and consciously deciding not to cry or throw something.
She couldn’t understand why this was happening to her, or more importantly, why it was happening to her again. Nothing about it seemed fair or to make sense to her. No matter how many excuses she came up with, she still couldn’t make herself calm down.
What had she done to deserve this? Did guys find it funny to toy with her like this? To draw her in, to make her believe they were so wonderful, only to walk all over her, or worse, desert her the moment she was hooked on them? It certainly felt that way and she knew it was starting to break her. She was already in pieces that didn’t seem to quite fit together anymore, and each time she broke again, they became an even more impossible jigsaw puzzle that she was afraid no one would ever solve.
The sad thing was how silly she felt, how foolish and ridiculous her tears and anger made her feel. A part of her, the part that they had successfully gotten to and manipulated, told her that she was over reacting, that there was no legitimate reason to be this upset. Ha! the rest of her mind screamed. Ha! She had every right to be upset, to be angry and hurt, and she knew it. Sure, it was a small thing, not worth stressing anyone else out over or playing depressing music for, but it was enough. He had succeeded at making her feel so small and insignificant that a part of her genuinely believed it.
She hated him, but she hated herself more, for letting his unintentional, but still completely heartbreaking actions, or lack there of, to bring her down. She’d been here before, in this place, with these emotions and the same feeling of unimportance beating down on her like a metal bat. Somehow she’d found the strength to get away and to move on, so why was it so hard to do that now? Especially when she knew better?
She knew why. It was simple, really. It was because this time he really was different. He had made her feel good about herself, like she was worth something. He had respected her, cared for her, made her laugh, and been honest with her. He’d also hurt her before, but she’d forgiven him, and he’d made her smile again. So why was he doing this now? Now that they were finally together, it seemed like he thought his job was over. She’d heard about husbands behaving this way, stopping all the courting and romantic crap the moment he said “I Do,” but he’d never heard of a boyfriend doing this.
It made no sense to her, and as much as she tried, she couldn’t sort it out or make sense of it in any way. So, she did what any girl would do. She cried. Finally she broke down, literally crumbling to the floor, and cried.
As she cried, it began to consume her, making it impossible to breath. The pain in her chest was overwhelming and she could feel herself beginning to break again. For a long time she just laid there, hands putting pressure on her chest, trying to hold herself in one piece.
Then finally, it stopped.
A bittersweet calm that she knew wouldn’t last began to sweep over her, and the pain began to fade. At least the physical pain did. Inside she was still screaming, begging the universe for answers that she knew it would never give her. She took a deep breath and cleaned her face, deciding that, at least for now, she wouldn’t let him win. Not again. She closed her eyes, and forced herself to smile. Slowly her body began to relax, and she could feel the strength return to her muscles, her bones steadying her on her once wobbly knees.
After that she sat down, and did the one thing that could sooth her. She wrote. She let it out, every thought and frustration and pain in her body, and poured it onto the innocent paper. As she stared at the smeared ink, she felt a real smile pull at her lips. The pain was still there, lightly pounding at the door and battling to take hold again. She knew that eventually the door would break, but at least now she knew she would be able to put up a fight.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Much Ado Part 4
“Well that went well,” Connor sighed, dropping down onto the worn out couch in John’s basement bedroom.
“Oh, shut up, Connor,” said Brad, slumping down beside him. John followed into the room, moving to his bed and laying down. He grabbed a baseball off the nightstand and began to throw it up into the air, catching it, then throwing it again.
“So now what? I know you two, you’re gonna come up with some other plot to mess with them,” Connor said matter-of-factly, leaning into the corner of the couch. John said nothing.
“Actually, I did have an idea,” began Brad. John looked over, but still remained silent. Connor looked at him hopefully. “Well, you know that girl Marcy?” he asked.
“The one you suck face with every day before biology,” commented Connor absently, before being knocked in the arm by Brad’s fist. “Ouch! Geez, sorry,” he whined.
“Anyway… well, it may be a long shot, but she does look just like Hannah, at least from behind,” he added when Connor gave him a questioning look.
“And?” said John quietly. Brad looked at him, seeming a little surprised by the verbal response.
“Well, like I said, they look alike… What if we tricked Chris and Pat into thinking she was Hannah? If he saw me with her and thought it was his Hannah, well, he’s sure to blow his lid,” Brad laughed.
“That’s ridiculous, Brad,” said Connor, rolling his eyes.
“Hey, it could work!” Brad retaliated.
“Sush,” said John, still tossing the ball up and down. Both boys stared at him, silently. “That’s actually not a bad idea,” John said simply. “I’m in no rush though. Homecoming is in a few weeks… we can do it before then,” he said. Connor and Brad exchanged looks.
“Whatever you say, John,” Connor said unsurely, but he shrugged it off, falling further into the depths of the couch.
“Oh, shut up, Connor,” said Brad, slumping down beside him. John followed into the room, moving to his bed and laying down. He grabbed a baseball off the nightstand and began to throw it up into the air, catching it, then throwing it again.
“So now what? I know you two, you’re gonna come up with some other plot to mess with them,” Connor said matter-of-factly, leaning into the corner of the couch. John said nothing.
“Actually, I did have an idea,” began Brad. John looked over, but still remained silent. Connor looked at him hopefully. “Well, you know that girl Marcy?” he asked.
“The one you suck face with every day before biology,” commented Connor absently, before being knocked in the arm by Brad’s fist. “Ouch! Geez, sorry,” he whined.
“Anyway… well, it may be a long shot, but she does look just like Hannah, at least from behind,” he added when Connor gave him a questioning look.
“And?” said John quietly. Brad looked at him, seeming a little surprised by the verbal response.
“Well, like I said, they look alike… What if we tricked Chris and Pat into thinking she was Hannah? If he saw me with her and thought it was his Hannah, well, he’s sure to blow his lid,” Brad laughed.
“That’s ridiculous, Brad,” said Connor, rolling his eyes.
“Hey, it could work!” Brad retaliated.
“Sush,” said John, still tossing the ball up and down. Both boys stared at him, silently. “That’s actually not a bad idea,” John said simply. “I’m in no rush though. Homecoming is in a few weeks… we can do it before then,” he said. Connor and Brad exchanged looks.
“Whatever you say, John,” Connor said unsurely, but he shrugged it off, falling further into the depths of the couch.
Much Ado Part 3
When Friday rolled around the party at Leo’s house was all anyone could talk about. Even the teachers knew about it at this point. When the final bell for the day tolled the students were quick to rush home, eager to get ready for the simple masquerade party. Leo was quite popular at Messina High and had invited nearly everybody, and those without invitations had plans to sneak in. Becca and Tony had come over early to help with decorations and they could already feel the excitement in the air.
“Guess who is our homeroom this year,” Leo called to Becca as they worked together to hang up a banner above one of the doorways. Becca shrugged. “John, Pat’s brother,” he said unhappily, rolling his eyes.
Becca laughed. “Well that has to be a sour fifteen minutes,” she said, feeling no envy whatsoever. John was, well, disagreeable, to put it simply. Becca had no real reason to dislike him, but there was just something about his attitude and solitary ways that put her on edge.
“Yeah, tell me about it. I just hope he doesn’t show up tonight,” Leo frowned, “Though knowing him, I wouldn’t be surprised if he did.”
“And if he does, who cares? The worst he is going to do is sit in some corner moping behind a black mask,” Becca joked. “At least he isn’t obnoxiously annoying,” she said in a low voice. Leo looked at her and raised a brow, realizing they were not just talking about John now.
“Please don’t tell me you are comparing Ben to John,” he said, pausing at the top of his step ladder to cast her a look.
“I’m just saying, they both get on my nerves,” Becca replied.
“Ben’s not a bad guy, Becca. Give him a break.”
“No, he’s just a pain in the ass who doesn’t know when to be quiet,” she sighed.
“At least he isn’t some… overly melancholy drama king who mopes too much and doesn’t know what color is,” Leo laughed as he taped his corner of the banner.
“True. Maybe if we combine the two we’ll have a decent person,” Becca laughed in reply, reaching for the tape from Leo. “A little bit of John’s melancholy and some of Ben’s humor… a good balance. Not too boring, not too obnoxious.”
“You are too picky, Becca. We’re never going to find you a boyfriend.”
“Probably not,” Becca grinned.
“Wow! That looks great!” said Stella as she walked into the room, crossing her arms and smiling up at her brother and best friend. “Tony’s just about done out back. We just need to bring out the food,” she said, looking around the room and taking in all the decorations. Leo got down from the stool and moved to the stereo set, turning on some music. Both girls smiled at him.
“This party is going to be great,” said Becca.
When the boys arrived they could hear the music playing before they even came inside. Once they did come inside the music grew much louder and the colorful lights put smiles on all their faces.
“Damn. Leo outdid himself this time,” said Ben from behind a mask as they moved through the house, trying to find their friends and hosts.
Moving out to the back patio it didn’t take them long to spot Leo, Tony, Stella, Becca, and Hannah, all standing together with a few other people and talking loudly, laughter mixed splendidly with their words. The boys were wearing full masks while the girls had classic masquerade style masks that only covered their eyes. Chris and Pat looked at each other through the eye holes in their masks. Pat gave Chris a pat on the back before stepping forward. Chris moved away, watching nervously.
“Nice party, Leo,” Pat said, doing his best to sound like Chris. “Would you like to dance, Hannah?” he asked, turning to the shorter brunette beside him. She looked to her brother, smiling, and he winked at her. She nodded, and they walked back into the main house hand in hand.
Ben had taken off in another direction as well the moment he spotted Becca among the bunch. The last thing he wanted right now was the put up with her. He grabbed himself a drink and wandered aimlessly through the crowd, hoping to find something interesting. He finished the drink rather quickly, almost disappointed that it was plain old punch and not something alcoholic. Tossing the cup into the trash he turned back to the table and reached for another cup. As he did he knocked wrists with someone else and looked up, startled to see Becca, eyes covered only by an elaborate blue and gold mask which she now pulled up into her hair, revealing her whole face. He sighed, pulling his hand away as she grabbed up a cup.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to get in your way,” Becca said, amused.
“Oh, no, I’m the one who got in your way,” he practically drawled, figuring that Becca didn’t recognize him and therefore deciding to play along.
“Hmm,” said Becca, sounding curious.
“What?” asked Ben.
“Usually I’m the one being blamed for being in the way, well, at least when Ben’s around,” she said simply, bringing her plastic cup to her lips and shrugging.
“Who is that?” asked Ben coyly.
“Who? Ben?”
Ben nodded.
“I bet you know him,” Becca replied.
“I don’t know anyone named Ben,” Ben insisted, and Becca nodded.
“Oh, well, he’s an amateur comedian, stress on the amateur, sadly. Only his friends actually like him, because makes people laugh but at the same time he pisses them off with his pathetic lines. You’ve had to have met him at some point,” explained Becca.
“If I meet him, I’ll tell him what you said,” replied Ben.
“Please do. He’ll probably crack a joke about me, which you better laugh at or he’ll start crying and refuse to eat,” Becca sighed. “Enjoy your drink.” Becca winked at him before pulling her mask back down and swiftly walking away.
On the other side of the room Chris leaned against a doorway, watching his best friend, wearing the same shirt and mask as himself, dance and laugh with Hannah. He smiled and crossed his arms, trying to keep calm and hoping things would work out.
“I actually feel bad for Chris, though. He has no idea what’s about to happen,” came a familiar voice from just behind him. Pausing, Chris turned. He had no reason to think that whoever this was was talking about him, until he realized that the person speaking was John, Pat’s brother, to his two friends, Connor and Brad. None of them were wearing masks and Chris was certain that hadn’t even been invited. He kept his distance. They didn’t seem to notice him at first. They continued to whisper and he could hear names amongst the hushed words. Finally, he became too curious and couldn’t help himself.
“Um, hi, it’s Ben,” he began, lying through his teeth but too afraid to admit who he was to them. “You were talking about Chris? And Pat?” he asked, and John looked up at him.
“Oh, hey… well, I guess I might as well tell you, everyone’s gonna find out soon enough,” John began with a frown, appearing to be concerned. He beckoned Chris closer, lowering his voice.
“My brother has a thing for Hannah,” he began, gesturing across the room to Pat and Hannah as they danced. “I heard him talking about it on the phone to Leo the other night. He said he had a plan to get her alone, win her for himself… And Ben, I know your friend, Chris, has a thing for her. I know I can be an ass but even I don’t like to see people being messed with like this.”
Looking over again Chris watched as Pat took off his mask, revealing to Hannah who he truly was. She pulled her mask back as well and they shared a quick hug. Chris turned back to John, thankful that his mask hid the anger he was sure was clearly written on his face.
“I figured you ought to know now before things really go down hill,” said John before quickly walking away with his friends, leaving Chris alone and full of confusion.
He stumbled out of the room and out onto the front porch. A few people were passing by, coming in and out of the main door, but for the most part he was alone. He sat down on the steps, pulling off his mask and running a hand back through his sweaty hair.
“Why did I have to pretend I was Ben?” he asked himself, wishing he hadn’t heard anything John had said. “So Pat wants Hannah for himself… Dammit!” he shouted, slamming his mask onto the ground. He sighed, resting his elbows on his knees and cradling his face in his hands. “I guess friends are loyal about everything except for love,” he began with a mock laugh. “I should have just done it myself, I should have just talked to her on my own instead of trusting somebody else do it!” Chris rose to his feet, practically shaking with frustration and anger. He reached down and picked up his mask, staring at it for a long moment. “If he wants Hannah, he can have her,” he said bitterly before stalking back into the house.
As he came inside Ben, who was no longer wearing his mask, ran into him, almost literally.
“Hey, watch it, man. What’s with you?” he asked, but Chris didn’t answer. “Pat told me to come find you. And now I have, so let’s go,” he said, directly Chris toward the main room. Chris stepped away.
“Leave me alone,” Chris demanded.
“Oh, come on! Pat has Hannah, so let’s go!”
“Good for him.”
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Ben asked, staring at Chris was concern.
“Just leave me alone!” Chris shouted, pushing past Ben and to another part of the house. Ben held up his hands and let out an unsure laugh.
“Okay…” he said carefully, shaking it off and deciding it was better not to get involved. Looking up he spied Becca talking with Stella and Tony in the kitchen, and he frowned. “How could she not know it was me? And call me an ‘amateur comedian’! She’s just bitter. As always. I’ll get back at her, that she can count on.”
Just then Pat toward him with Hannah at his side, looking around, obviously for Chris.
“Well? Where is he?” Pat asked.
“Who knows. I found him, tried to bring him to you, but he refused to listen,” Ben replied, rolling his eyes. “Now, if you don’t mind, I need a drink, and sadly this sober punch will have to do,” he continued, turning on his feel to walk away.
“Becca is pretty upset with you. She says she talked to someone earlier who told her you think she just gets in the way,” Pat called after him, and Ben, without missing a beat, turned back around and marched right back up to them.
“What?! That is completely untrue! Agh, that good for nothing…” Ben trailed off, clenching his fists and looking around for Becca. He snapped his attention back to Pat and Hannah, who were trying not to laugh, though Ben hardly noticed. “She insulted me, not the other way around! She told me, not realizing it was me, that I was an ‘amateur comedian!’ That I was some lame comedian. I felt like I was standing at gunpoint with a whole army of people shooting at me! I couldn’t do or say anything in my defense.” Ben groaned, still ignoring the laughter that was being poorly suppressed by Pat and Hannah. “I swear, if her breath were as bad as her demeanor she would infect the entire planet, no one would go near her. Every word she says is like a knife in my chest,” he said, pounding a fist into his chest for emphasis. He sighed again. “Please, talk about something else. The last thing I want to think about right now is her.”
“Oh look, here she comes,” said Pat with a huge grin. Ben turned around to see Becca with Stella, Tony, Leo, and Chris, slowly moving toward them.
“Please give me something to do. Anything, anything at all! I will go get something from your car, get you both drinks, refill the chip bowls, anything! I just don‘t think I can handle talking to this, this vixen!”
“All I need from you right now is your company,” Pat smirked, making Ben’s face fall.
“That isn’t funny,” he said seriously. “Gah! I am out of here. I can not bear to hear a single word from her!” Ben quickly pushed past Pat, leaving he and Hannah in a fit of laughter as the friends approached.
“It seems you know how to get under his skin,” Pat said to Becca. She smiled weakly.
“I guess you get to know what buttons to push when you have a history like ours,” she said softly. He somber disposition confused Pat a little. He looked up at Leo, who just shrugged. “Anyway, I found Chris like you asked,” she continued, forcing Chris forward. He was just as sour as before and seemed to want nothing to do with what was happening.
“Why do you look upset?” Pat asked.
“I’m not upset,” Chris replied plainly.
“Then are you sick?”
“No, I’m not sick.”
“He’s not upset, and he’s not sick, but he’s not happy either. If you ask me, I’d say he was jealous,” said Becca, and Chris cast her a dirty look, which she simply shrugged off.
“I think your right Becca,” Pat said in disbelief. “Though I’m confused as to why… I told you I would sweep her off her feet for you, and I did. Though she somehow knew about our little plan, though she found it to be kind of funny, actually,” Pat explained.
Chris’ face lit up, relief and joy replacing the anger from before as he realized he had gotten it wrong.
“Go dance already,” Pat continued, no so subtly pushing the two toward each other. Hannah smiled innocently up at Chris, who was grinning from ear to ear.
Once the two love-birds were dancing the rest of the group moved to stand against the wall.
Pat was staring at Becca with a smile, and it took her a moment to realize it. When she did she turned to him and arched a brow, leaning away a little and crossing her arms.
“What?” she asked defensively.
“You’re a romantic,” he said simply. Becca laughed.
“Not really. I just want to see Hannah happy, and if involves a guy, well, I can’t really stop her.”
“Uh-huh,” Pat grinned, casting his eyes back onto the floor.
“Think what you want,” Becca shrugged, casting him a grin. “I’ll see you all later,” she said, smiling at them and walking away.
Once she was gone and completely out of earshot, Pat called a sort of huddle. As they did Hannah and Chris came walking over, watching curiously as the group moved closer together.
“What’s going on?” Chris asked.
“I have a plan… we’re going to set up Ben and Becca,” he declared proudly, and everyone began to laugh.
“Ha! They would kill each other if they ever dated!” Leo exclaimed.
“Oh, I don’t think so. I think there’s something there, they just need a little push,” said Pat. “So, will you guys help me?”
“Well I’m in, Lord knows I’d love to prove Ben wrong,” said Chris with a laugh.
“Me too!” said Hannah, and within moments the rest all agreed as well.
“Awesome. Now here’s the plan…”
“Guess who is our homeroom this year,” Leo called to Becca as they worked together to hang up a banner above one of the doorways. Becca shrugged. “John, Pat’s brother,” he said unhappily, rolling his eyes.
Becca laughed. “Well that has to be a sour fifteen minutes,” she said, feeling no envy whatsoever. John was, well, disagreeable, to put it simply. Becca had no real reason to dislike him, but there was just something about his attitude and solitary ways that put her on edge.
“Yeah, tell me about it. I just hope he doesn’t show up tonight,” Leo frowned, “Though knowing him, I wouldn’t be surprised if he did.”
“And if he does, who cares? The worst he is going to do is sit in some corner moping behind a black mask,” Becca joked. “At least he isn’t obnoxiously annoying,” she said in a low voice. Leo looked at her and raised a brow, realizing they were not just talking about John now.
“Please don’t tell me you are comparing Ben to John,” he said, pausing at the top of his step ladder to cast her a look.
“I’m just saying, they both get on my nerves,” Becca replied.
“Ben’s not a bad guy, Becca. Give him a break.”
“No, he’s just a pain in the ass who doesn’t know when to be quiet,” she sighed.
“At least he isn’t some… overly melancholy drama king who mopes too much and doesn’t know what color is,” Leo laughed as he taped his corner of the banner.
“True. Maybe if we combine the two we’ll have a decent person,” Becca laughed in reply, reaching for the tape from Leo. “A little bit of John’s melancholy and some of Ben’s humor… a good balance. Not too boring, not too obnoxious.”
“You are too picky, Becca. We’re never going to find you a boyfriend.”
“Probably not,” Becca grinned.
“Wow! That looks great!” said Stella as she walked into the room, crossing her arms and smiling up at her brother and best friend. “Tony’s just about done out back. We just need to bring out the food,” she said, looking around the room and taking in all the decorations. Leo got down from the stool and moved to the stereo set, turning on some music. Both girls smiled at him.
“This party is going to be great,” said Becca.
When the boys arrived they could hear the music playing before they even came inside. Once they did come inside the music grew much louder and the colorful lights put smiles on all their faces.
“Damn. Leo outdid himself this time,” said Ben from behind a mask as they moved through the house, trying to find their friends and hosts.
Moving out to the back patio it didn’t take them long to spot Leo, Tony, Stella, Becca, and Hannah, all standing together with a few other people and talking loudly, laughter mixed splendidly with their words. The boys were wearing full masks while the girls had classic masquerade style masks that only covered their eyes. Chris and Pat looked at each other through the eye holes in their masks. Pat gave Chris a pat on the back before stepping forward. Chris moved away, watching nervously.
“Nice party, Leo,” Pat said, doing his best to sound like Chris. “Would you like to dance, Hannah?” he asked, turning to the shorter brunette beside him. She looked to her brother, smiling, and he winked at her. She nodded, and they walked back into the main house hand in hand.
Ben had taken off in another direction as well the moment he spotted Becca among the bunch. The last thing he wanted right now was the put up with her. He grabbed himself a drink and wandered aimlessly through the crowd, hoping to find something interesting. He finished the drink rather quickly, almost disappointed that it was plain old punch and not something alcoholic. Tossing the cup into the trash he turned back to the table and reached for another cup. As he did he knocked wrists with someone else and looked up, startled to see Becca, eyes covered only by an elaborate blue and gold mask which she now pulled up into her hair, revealing her whole face. He sighed, pulling his hand away as she grabbed up a cup.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to get in your way,” Becca said, amused.
“Oh, no, I’m the one who got in your way,” he practically drawled, figuring that Becca didn’t recognize him and therefore deciding to play along.
“Hmm,” said Becca, sounding curious.
“What?” asked Ben.
“Usually I’m the one being blamed for being in the way, well, at least when Ben’s around,” she said simply, bringing her plastic cup to her lips and shrugging.
“Who is that?” asked Ben coyly.
“Who? Ben?”
Ben nodded.
“I bet you know him,” Becca replied.
“I don’t know anyone named Ben,” Ben insisted, and Becca nodded.
“Oh, well, he’s an amateur comedian, stress on the amateur, sadly. Only his friends actually like him, because makes people laugh but at the same time he pisses them off with his pathetic lines. You’ve had to have met him at some point,” explained Becca.
“If I meet him, I’ll tell him what you said,” replied Ben.
“Please do. He’ll probably crack a joke about me, which you better laugh at or he’ll start crying and refuse to eat,” Becca sighed. “Enjoy your drink.” Becca winked at him before pulling her mask back down and swiftly walking away.
On the other side of the room Chris leaned against a doorway, watching his best friend, wearing the same shirt and mask as himself, dance and laugh with Hannah. He smiled and crossed his arms, trying to keep calm and hoping things would work out.
“I actually feel bad for Chris, though. He has no idea what’s about to happen,” came a familiar voice from just behind him. Pausing, Chris turned. He had no reason to think that whoever this was was talking about him, until he realized that the person speaking was John, Pat’s brother, to his two friends, Connor and Brad. None of them were wearing masks and Chris was certain that hadn’t even been invited. He kept his distance. They didn’t seem to notice him at first. They continued to whisper and he could hear names amongst the hushed words. Finally, he became too curious and couldn’t help himself.
“Um, hi, it’s Ben,” he began, lying through his teeth but too afraid to admit who he was to them. “You were talking about Chris? And Pat?” he asked, and John looked up at him.
“Oh, hey… well, I guess I might as well tell you, everyone’s gonna find out soon enough,” John began with a frown, appearing to be concerned. He beckoned Chris closer, lowering his voice.
“My brother has a thing for Hannah,” he began, gesturing across the room to Pat and Hannah as they danced. “I heard him talking about it on the phone to Leo the other night. He said he had a plan to get her alone, win her for himself… And Ben, I know your friend, Chris, has a thing for her. I know I can be an ass but even I don’t like to see people being messed with like this.”
Looking over again Chris watched as Pat took off his mask, revealing to Hannah who he truly was. She pulled her mask back as well and they shared a quick hug. Chris turned back to John, thankful that his mask hid the anger he was sure was clearly written on his face.
“I figured you ought to know now before things really go down hill,” said John before quickly walking away with his friends, leaving Chris alone and full of confusion.
He stumbled out of the room and out onto the front porch. A few people were passing by, coming in and out of the main door, but for the most part he was alone. He sat down on the steps, pulling off his mask and running a hand back through his sweaty hair.
“Why did I have to pretend I was Ben?” he asked himself, wishing he hadn’t heard anything John had said. “So Pat wants Hannah for himself… Dammit!” he shouted, slamming his mask onto the ground. He sighed, resting his elbows on his knees and cradling his face in his hands. “I guess friends are loyal about everything except for love,” he began with a mock laugh. “I should have just done it myself, I should have just talked to her on my own instead of trusting somebody else do it!” Chris rose to his feet, practically shaking with frustration and anger. He reached down and picked up his mask, staring at it for a long moment. “If he wants Hannah, he can have her,” he said bitterly before stalking back into the house.
As he came inside Ben, who was no longer wearing his mask, ran into him, almost literally.
“Hey, watch it, man. What’s with you?” he asked, but Chris didn’t answer. “Pat told me to come find you. And now I have, so let’s go,” he said, directly Chris toward the main room. Chris stepped away.
“Leave me alone,” Chris demanded.
“Oh, come on! Pat has Hannah, so let’s go!”
“Good for him.”
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Ben asked, staring at Chris was concern.
“Just leave me alone!” Chris shouted, pushing past Ben and to another part of the house. Ben held up his hands and let out an unsure laugh.
“Okay…” he said carefully, shaking it off and deciding it was better not to get involved. Looking up he spied Becca talking with Stella and Tony in the kitchen, and he frowned. “How could she not know it was me? And call me an ‘amateur comedian’! She’s just bitter. As always. I’ll get back at her, that she can count on.”
Just then Pat toward him with Hannah at his side, looking around, obviously for Chris.
“Well? Where is he?” Pat asked.
“Who knows. I found him, tried to bring him to you, but he refused to listen,” Ben replied, rolling his eyes. “Now, if you don’t mind, I need a drink, and sadly this sober punch will have to do,” he continued, turning on his feel to walk away.
“Becca is pretty upset with you. She says she talked to someone earlier who told her you think she just gets in the way,” Pat called after him, and Ben, without missing a beat, turned back around and marched right back up to them.
“What?! That is completely untrue! Agh, that good for nothing…” Ben trailed off, clenching his fists and looking around for Becca. He snapped his attention back to Pat and Hannah, who were trying not to laugh, though Ben hardly noticed. “She insulted me, not the other way around! She told me, not realizing it was me, that I was an ‘amateur comedian!’ That I was some lame comedian. I felt like I was standing at gunpoint with a whole army of people shooting at me! I couldn’t do or say anything in my defense.” Ben groaned, still ignoring the laughter that was being poorly suppressed by Pat and Hannah. “I swear, if her breath were as bad as her demeanor she would infect the entire planet, no one would go near her. Every word she says is like a knife in my chest,” he said, pounding a fist into his chest for emphasis. He sighed again. “Please, talk about something else. The last thing I want to think about right now is her.”
“Oh look, here she comes,” said Pat with a huge grin. Ben turned around to see Becca with Stella, Tony, Leo, and Chris, slowly moving toward them.
“Please give me something to do. Anything, anything at all! I will go get something from your car, get you both drinks, refill the chip bowls, anything! I just don‘t think I can handle talking to this, this vixen!”
“All I need from you right now is your company,” Pat smirked, making Ben’s face fall.
“That isn’t funny,” he said seriously. “Gah! I am out of here. I can not bear to hear a single word from her!” Ben quickly pushed past Pat, leaving he and Hannah in a fit of laughter as the friends approached.
“It seems you know how to get under his skin,” Pat said to Becca. She smiled weakly.
“I guess you get to know what buttons to push when you have a history like ours,” she said softly. He somber disposition confused Pat a little. He looked up at Leo, who just shrugged. “Anyway, I found Chris like you asked,” she continued, forcing Chris forward. He was just as sour as before and seemed to want nothing to do with what was happening.
“Why do you look upset?” Pat asked.
“I’m not upset,” Chris replied plainly.
“Then are you sick?”
“No, I’m not sick.”
“He’s not upset, and he’s not sick, but he’s not happy either. If you ask me, I’d say he was jealous,” said Becca, and Chris cast her a dirty look, which she simply shrugged off.
“I think your right Becca,” Pat said in disbelief. “Though I’m confused as to why… I told you I would sweep her off her feet for you, and I did. Though she somehow knew about our little plan, though she found it to be kind of funny, actually,” Pat explained.
Chris’ face lit up, relief and joy replacing the anger from before as he realized he had gotten it wrong.
“Go dance already,” Pat continued, no so subtly pushing the two toward each other. Hannah smiled innocently up at Chris, who was grinning from ear to ear.
Once the two love-birds were dancing the rest of the group moved to stand against the wall.
Pat was staring at Becca with a smile, and it took her a moment to realize it. When she did she turned to him and arched a brow, leaning away a little and crossing her arms.
“What?” she asked defensively.
“You’re a romantic,” he said simply. Becca laughed.
“Not really. I just want to see Hannah happy, and if involves a guy, well, I can’t really stop her.”
“Uh-huh,” Pat grinned, casting his eyes back onto the floor.
“Think what you want,” Becca shrugged, casting him a grin. “I’ll see you all later,” she said, smiling at them and walking away.
Once she was gone and completely out of earshot, Pat called a sort of huddle. As they did Hannah and Chris came walking over, watching curiously as the group moved closer together.
“What’s going on?” Chris asked.
“I have a plan… we’re going to set up Ben and Becca,” he declared proudly, and everyone began to laugh.
“Ha! They would kill each other if they ever dated!” Leo exclaimed.
“Oh, I don’t think so. I think there’s something there, they just need a little push,” said Pat. “So, will you guys help me?”
“Well I’m in, Lord knows I’d love to prove Ben wrong,” said Chris with a laugh.
“Me too!” said Hannah, and within moments the rest all agreed as well.
“Awesome. Now here’s the plan…”
Much Ado Part 2
It was no surprise to Mr. Freeman when Ben, Pat, and Chris walked in together, sitting in the front far corner and huddling over their desks in discussion.
“You think they would learn to separate you boys,” Mr. Freeman said with a smile, shuffling some papers on his desk.
“You know you love us, Mr. Freeman,” Ben said with a goofy smile that made the teacher laugh.
“Just keep telling yourself that, boys.”
They turned back to their own conversation as other students began to file in. The bell rang to mark the beginning of home room and Mr. Freeman began to take attendance while the general announcements rolled in over the loud speaker.
“Seriously? Hannah? The quiet one?” Ben was asking Chris, who looked about as red as his shirt, refusing to make eye contact with either of them.
“Yes, that Hannah. It isn’t that crazy Ben, I don’t know why you are making such a big deal out of this,” said Chris.
“But she’s so… plain!” Ben said a little too loud, making Chris sink further into his desk.
“Do you always have to pick on him?” Pat asked, flicking Ben in the arm. “I think it’s cool that he likes Hannah. I mean, he’s Leo’s little sister, so she gets some points there. And she’s good looking. A little quiet maybe, but I don’t know, I think that sort of fits Chris.”
“I don’t see it, but whatever you said, captain,” Ben replied, giving Pat a mock solute.
“Just because you’re never going to date doesn’t mean you should make fun of the rest of us,” Chris said, making Ben laugh.
“Look, I’m thankful to my mom for having me and raising me. But forgive me for not wanting to be hung over some girl,” Ben said bitterly.
“Oh, I know someday we’ll see you sick with love,” Pat laughed.
“Ha! Sick from the flu or from hunger or from anger at you two, maybe. But not love, trust me on that one,” Ben said confidently, crossing his arms and slouching in his seat.
“Keep telling yourself that, Ben,” said Pat with a wink. Ben rolled his eyes and looked away, suddenly pulling out his phone as an excuse to leave the conversation.
Pat and Chris laughed, and Ben continued to ignore them. Pat turned to Chris at this point, whispering even quieter now.
“I have an idea, to help you with Hannah,” he began. Chris groaned.
“It better be one hell of a plan. I’m useless with girls, I get all tongue-tied… you’ve seen me in action, you know how I get,” Chris said, obviously flustered by the very thought of having to actually talk to Hannah.
“I know, I know, that’s why I figured we’ll do it at the party. We’re all suppose to wear masks, right? Like Ben said, it’ll be hard to tell people apart. We wear similar outfits, get the same mask, and at the party, I pretend to be you, talk to her, and once she’s hooked, I make an excuse to leave, and you come back and step in. I’ll have gotten the hard part out of the way, the rest should be smooth sailing.”
Chris listened carefully to Pat’s plan, running it over in his mind. A grin slowly began to form as Pat’s words continued, and by the end, Chris was smiling.
“There are so many ways this plan could go wrong,” said Chris, “but I like it.”
In the back of the room a boy was sitting by himself, seemingly distracted by the comic book in front of him. While his eyes were on the pages, his ears were tuned into the quiet conversation a few desks in front of him. The bell rang and everyone quickly rose from their seats and fled the classroom and into the hallway, hastily making their way to first period.
The boy was very tall and dark. He looked like a linebacker with his size, and the strange grin on his face only made him appear even more frightening. He was quick in the hallway, unafraid to push a smaller student out of the way. It didn’t take him long to get to his class, hesitating in the doorway only a moment before making a beeline for the back row, sitting down beside two other guys. They were all dressed in dark clothes and had a strong melancholy disposition about them. Though nearly every seat was filled, no one sat in the desks immediately beside any of them.
“I don’t get why you care so much about him. Sure, he’s your brother, but he’s a prick. I think it’s better to just stay on his good side and avoid trouble. Next year he’ll be gone and we won’t have to worry about him,” a smaller red-headed boy said. He was doodling on the back of his new notebook absently, unaware of the look the other two were giving him.
“You’re a wuss, Connor, you know that?” the large boy who had just stepped into the room said evenly. Connor looked up.
“Say whatever you want, Brad. I just think John should stop worrying so damn much about what his brother thinks,” said Connor.
“I don’t care what he thinks. That is exactly my point.” John’s voice was low and had an eerie tone that gave Connor chills every time he talked. “I do what I want, not what other people want me to do. I don’t care what my brother thinks, or his stupid friends.”
“Yeah, sure, that’s why you’re always messing with them,” Connor frowned, still eyeing his drawing.
“Just because I don’t care what he thinks doesn’t mean it isn’t fun to screw with him sometimes,” said John, a blank expression on his face.
“Speaking of which… I have an idea,” said Brad, leaning forward. “I was listening to them talk in homeroom. Turns out Chris has a little crush on Hannah, Leo’s little sister,” he grinned. John didn’t seem intrigued. “They’re planning to trick her into liking Chris at Leo’s party, you know, Pat pretends to be Chris, gets Hannah’s attention, the Chris gets the girl, yada yada,” he continued, and John sat up, slowly becoming interested. “So what do you think? Pull a little switch-a-roo of our own?”
John managed a wicked grin. “This could be fun,” he said, giving Connor a case of the chills again. Connor looked up at them and shook his head, seeming to have no real opinion on their plan. The bell rang and class began, and the three of them spent the majority of it perfecting their plan.
“You think they would learn to separate you boys,” Mr. Freeman said with a smile, shuffling some papers on his desk.
“You know you love us, Mr. Freeman,” Ben said with a goofy smile that made the teacher laugh.
“Just keep telling yourself that, boys.”
They turned back to their own conversation as other students began to file in. The bell rang to mark the beginning of home room and Mr. Freeman began to take attendance while the general announcements rolled in over the loud speaker.
“Seriously? Hannah? The quiet one?” Ben was asking Chris, who looked about as red as his shirt, refusing to make eye contact with either of them.
“Yes, that Hannah. It isn’t that crazy Ben, I don’t know why you are making such a big deal out of this,” said Chris.
“But she’s so… plain!” Ben said a little too loud, making Chris sink further into his desk.
“Do you always have to pick on him?” Pat asked, flicking Ben in the arm. “I think it’s cool that he likes Hannah. I mean, he’s Leo’s little sister, so she gets some points there. And she’s good looking. A little quiet maybe, but I don’t know, I think that sort of fits Chris.”
“I don’t see it, but whatever you said, captain,” Ben replied, giving Pat a mock solute.
“Just because you’re never going to date doesn’t mean you should make fun of the rest of us,” Chris said, making Ben laugh.
“Look, I’m thankful to my mom for having me and raising me. But forgive me for not wanting to be hung over some girl,” Ben said bitterly.
“Oh, I know someday we’ll see you sick with love,” Pat laughed.
“Ha! Sick from the flu or from hunger or from anger at you two, maybe. But not love, trust me on that one,” Ben said confidently, crossing his arms and slouching in his seat.
“Keep telling yourself that, Ben,” said Pat with a wink. Ben rolled his eyes and looked away, suddenly pulling out his phone as an excuse to leave the conversation.
Pat and Chris laughed, and Ben continued to ignore them. Pat turned to Chris at this point, whispering even quieter now.
“I have an idea, to help you with Hannah,” he began. Chris groaned.
“It better be one hell of a plan. I’m useless with girls, I get all tongue-tied… you’ve seen me in action, you know how I get,” Chris said, obviously flustered by the very thought of having to actually talk to Hannah.
“I know, I know, that’s why I figured we’ll do it at the party. We’re all suppose to wear masks, right? Like Ben said, it’ll be hard to tell people apart. We wear similar outfits, get the same mask, and at the party, I pretend to be you, talk to her, and once she’s hooked, I make an excuse to leave, and you come back and step in. I’ll have gotten the hard part out of the way, the rest should be smooth sailing.”
Chris listened carefully to Pat’s plan, running it over in his mind. A grin slowly began to form as Pat’s words continued, and by the end, Chris was smiling.
“There are so many ways this plan could go wrong,” said Chris, “but I like it.”
In the back of the room a boy was sitting by himself, seemingly distracted by the comic book in front of him. While his eyes were on the pages, his ears were tuned into the quiet conversation a few desks in front of him. The bell rang and everyone quickly rose from their seats and fled the classroom and into the hallway, hastily making their way to first period.
The boy was very tall and dark. He looked like a linebacker with his size, and the strange grin on his face only made him appear even more frightening. He was quick in the hallway, unafraid to push a smaller student out of the way. It didn’t take him long to get to his class, hesitating in the doorway only a moment before making a beeline for the back row, sitting down beside two other guys. They were all dressed in dark clothes and had a strong melancholy disposition about them. Though nearly every seat was filled, no one sat in the desks immediately beside any of them.
“I don’t get why you care so much about him. Sure, he’s your brother, but he’s a prick. I think it’s better to just stay on his good side and avoid trouble. Next year he’ll be gone and we won’t have to worry about him,” a smaller red-headed boy said. He was doodling on the back of his new notebook absently, unaware of the look the other two were giving him.
“You’re a wuss, Connor, you know that?” the large boy who had just stepped into the room said evenly. Connor looked up.
“Say whatever you want, Brad. I just think John should stop worrying so damn much about what his brother thinks,” said Connor.
“I don’t care what he thinks. That is exactly my point.” John’s voice was low and had an eerie tone that gave Connor chills every time he talked. “I do what I want, not what other people want me to do. I don’t care what my brother thinks, or his stupid friends.”
“Yeah, sure, that’s why you’re always messing with them,” Connor frowned, still eyeing his drawing.
“Just because I don’t care what he thinks doesn’t mean it isn’t fun to screw with him sometimes,” said John, a blank expression on his face.
“Speaking of which… I have an idea,” said Brad, leaning forward. “I was listening to them talk in homeroom. Turns out Chris has a little crush on Hannah, Leo’s little sister,” he grinned. John didn’t seem intrigued. “They’re planning to trick her into liking Chris at Leo’s party, you know, Pat pretends to be Chris, gets Hannah’s attention, the Chris gets the girl, yada yada,” he continued, and John sat up, slowly becoming interested. “So what do you think? Pull a little switch-a-roo of our own?”
John managed a wicked grin. “This could be fun,” he said, giving Connor a case of the chills again. Connor looked up at them and shook his head, seeming to have no real opinion on their plan. The bell rang and class began, and the three of them spent the majority of it perfecting their plan.
Much Ado Part 1
The first day back to school was always the most interesting of any year. Three long months had kept many of the students separated but with the start of term came a grand reunion for Messina High School and her students. The hallways were littered with students, scrambling from locker to locker before the first bell and attempting to reconnect with friends before the monotonous day of algebra and physics ensued. Freshman nervously meandered through the thick crowds, just trying to find a familiar face or a classroom on their schedule without being knocked to the ground.
The seniors were far from nervous, though, as they entered those halls for the last first time, heads high and confident as they moved easily from place to place, hardly having to think about it, just knowing where to go instinctually. One particular group of boys had a couple of underclassmen staring, the carefree attitudes practically contagious amongst their older peers. They held their books lazily under their arms, laughing and talking loudly as they moved down the hall, waving or shouting a quick “Hey!” to friendly acquaintances every now and again. The underclassmen staring were envious, hoping they would someday feel that at ease in this strange place.
“I’ll have to take you guys out there some time,” a tall boy with blond hair and a far too charming smile laughed. “Seriously guys, my uncle’s ranch was amazing. He has so much land. We could go hunting or paint balling or camping or horse back riding, you name it.”
His two friends just shook their heads and laughed.
“Please don’t tell me you’re going to go all ‘horse lover’ on us now, Chris,” said another boy, shoving Chris a little, who shoved right back.
“Oh, leave him alone, Ben. It’s cute that he likes horses so much.” The third boy was grinning. He was taller than the other two and held himself a little differently. He was clearly the leader of their little pack.
“I’m just messing with him, Pat,” the one named Ben grinned, messing up Chris’ hair with his hand, which made Chris recoil and glare at him disapprovingly. Pat shook his head with a grin.
“You two are worse than my brother sometimes, you know that?” Pat said. They all stopped, stepping up to their lockers.
“Hey now, let’s not play dirty,” Ben said suddenly, leaning on one of the lockers and pointing his index finger in Pat’s face. “Immature, maybe. Creepy and insane? Not so much,” he frowned.
“John isn’t that bad,” Chris said, and they all laughed a little.
“Hey, Pat!”
A new voice entered the conversation and all three boys looked up.
“Leo! Hey man, it’s good to see you!” Pat sat his books down in the locker and then moved toward the newcomer, embracing him in a short ‘manly’ hug with a firm pat on the shoulder and all.
“How was your summer? I didn’t get to see much of you,” Pat said.
“Yeah, I know. My dad hooked me up with a job a few towns over, so that pretty much consumed my life,” Leo laughed. “Hey, you haven’t seen my sisters have you?” Leo asked, looking at the other two as well. All three shook their heads.
“No, haven’t seen any of the girls yet. I’m sure they’re around here somewhere,” Pat shrugged.
“Probably gossiping in front of a bathroom mirror,” Ben chimed in. Chris hit him in the arm with a book.
“There they are!” Leo said suddenly, stepping around Pat. A group of three girls and one guy walked up to them. The tallest of the three girls was Stella, Leo’s twin sister. As Leo approached her, the two siblings exchanging smiles, it was obvious that they were related. She was holding hands with a tall dark haired boy whom Leo began talking to immediately and it was instantly clear that the two were close.
“I still can’t believe you haven’t gotten sick of her yet, Tony.” Leo smirked at his sister, and Tony laughed. “You are either the most patient guy in the world, or the dumbest.” Leo grinned again, and Stella made a face at him.
“I’m just still surprised you haven’t tried to kick my ass for dating your sister,” Tony said with a chuckle, and Leo nodded.
“Yeah, well, what are best friends for if not to dump their annoying sisters on?”
The conversation continued and the other two girls stood awkwardly against the lockers, talking in hushed voices and glancing back and forth between the other two groups. Pat, Chris, and Ben had gone back to their own conversation, discussing what they had done with their summer and comparing schedules. The groups weren’t separated for long, though, when Leo suddenly spoke up.
“Hey, guys, we’re having a party next weekend, sort of a back-to-school thing. We have a Saturday game for football, so we’re just going to do it Friday night. You guys are gonna come, right?” Leo asked. The groups moved a little closer together, forming a more solid unit than three separated entities.
“Yeah, of course,” Pat replied.
“Awesome. It’s actually a masquerade theme, Hannah’s idea,” Leo went on, grinning at the shortest of the three girls, who blushed and looked away. “But hey, my little sister is pretty creative, I know it’ll be great.”
“Masks, huh? Oh that’s a great idea, just what we need, to not be able to tell all those girls apart,” Ben said with a loud laugh.
“The bigger problem is how will the girls be able to avoid you,” the third girl said with a hint of bitterness, making everyone stop. They were all quiet as Ben stepped forward, looking around Pat and Leo to see Becca. She was thin, pretty, sandy hair, the exact look that Ben would normally drool over. However, there was a certain disposition to Becca that gave her a rather menacing vibe. Perhaps it was the scowl on her face, which didn’t seem at all fitting with her otherwise pretty features. Everyone was holding their tongues, watching with anticipation. In Pat and Leo’s cases, they were trying not to laugh.
“Still as bitter as ever I see,” Ben said with a sarcastic grin.
“I’m not bitter, well, except for when you are around, but then again, who can blame me for that?” she replied quickly, standing up straight and looking him in the eyes.
“You are the only girl in this school who feels that way, Becca. Not that it matters, it’s not like I find any of the other chicks in this school worth my time,” he laughed.
“We’re lucky then, aren’t we? You’re not exactly the best catch yourself.”
“I feel bad for any guy that dates you. You’d probably scratch their face just for looking at you wrong.”
“It wouldn’t be your face I scratch, so why do you care? Then again, some scratch marks might make it look better,” Becca retorted, cocking her head to the side as if examining the possibilities. At this point it was impossible for the others not the laugh. Ben scowled, his face turning red and glaring at his friends.
“I wish my car was as fast as your replies, though speed has little to do with true value,” said Ben. “Keep practicing, maybe someday you’ll actually be able to compare to me.” Ben grinned and with that he turned around and to the other side of Pat, grabbing up his books and slamming his locker shut. Chris and Pat were laughing. A moment later all three had their books and were headed back down the hall, laughter ringing from their mouths. Chris and Ben were pushing each other again while Pat just led them on carelessly.
Becca was frowning, turning to the rest of the group that remained, who quickly stopped their laughing and tried not the smile.
“Oh, don’t let him get to you, Becca. He’s a moron, it’s not worth it,” said Hannah in a small voice, smiling reassuringly.
“My sisters right, Becs. Don’t stress it, alright? We better get going. I’ll see you guys at lunch, okay?” Leo said next. The girl nodded. Tony gave Stella a quick kiss before the boys took off together down the hall. Becca was still frowning, though the two sisters were smiling.
“Stop worrying about him. C’mon, we have Mr. Jonsen for homeroom again, that should cheer you up,” Stella laughed, and Becca finally cracked a smile.
“That isn’t fair. How do you two get the only good looking teacher in the school, and I get stuck with Ms. Shaffer again?” Hannah sighed and the older girls laughed.
“Maybe you’ll get him next year,” Becca shrugged.
“Hope so, it’s my last chance,” Hannah said with a half-hearted smile. “I’ll see you two later.” Hannah gave a small wave as they started in opposite directions. As she walked alone she smiled to herself, unable to get the face of a certain blond-haired boy out of her head.
The seniors were far from nervous, though, as they entered those halls for the last first time, heads high and confident as they moved easily from place to place, hardly having to think about it, just knowing where to go instinctually. One particular group of boys had a couple of underclassmen staring, the carefree attitudes practically contagious amongst their older peers. They held their books lazily under their arms, laughing and talking loudly as they moved down the hall, waving or shouting a quick “Hey!” to friendly acquaintances every now and again. The underclassmen staring were envious, hoping they would someday feel that at ease in this strange place.
“I’ll have to take you guys out there some time,” a tall boy with blond hair and a far too charming smile laughed. “Seriously guys, my uncle’s ranch was amazing. He has so much land. We could go hunting or paint balling or camping or horse back riding, you name it.”
His two friends just shook their heads and laughed.
“Please don’t tell me you’re going to go all ‘horse lover’ on us now, Chris,” said another boy, shoving Chris a little, who shoved right back.
“Oh, leave him alone, Ben. It’s cute that he likes horses so much.” The third boy was grinning. He was taller than the other two and held himself a little differently. He was clearly the leader of their little pack.
“I’m just messing with him, Pat,” the one named Ben grinned, messing up Chris’ hair with his hand, which made Chris recoil and glare at him disapprovingly. Pat shook his head with a grin.
“You two are worse than my brother sometimes, you know that?” Pat said. They all stopped, stepping up to their lockers.
“Hey now, let’s not play dirty,” Ben said suddenly, leaning on one of the lockers and pointing his index finger in Pat’s face. “Immature, maybe. Creepy and insane? Not so much,” he frowned.
“John isn’t that bad,” Chris said, and they all laughed a little.
“Hey, Pat!”
A new voice entered the conversation and all three boys looked up.
“Leo! Hey man, it’s good to see you!” Pat sat his books down in the locker and then moved toward the newcomer, embracing him in a short ‘manly’ hug with a firm pat on the shoulder and all.
“How was your summer? I didn’t get to see much of you,” Pat said.
“Yeah, I know. My dad hooked me up with a job a few towns over, so that pretty much consumed my life,” Leo laughed. “Hey, you haven’t seen my sisters have you?” Leo asked, looking at the other two as well. All three shook their heads.
“No, haven’t seen any of the girls yet. I’m sure they’re around here somewhere,” Pat shrugged.
“Probably gossiping in front of a bathroom mirror,” Ben chimed in. Chris hit him in the arm with a book.
“There they are!” Leo said suddenly, stepping around Pat. A group of three girls and one guy walked up to them. The tallest of the three girls was Stella, Leo’s twin sister. As Leo approached her, the two siblings exchanging smiles, it was obvious that they were related. She was holding hands with a tall dark haired boy whom Leo began talking to immediately and it was instantly clear that the two were close.
“I still can’t believe you haven’t gotten sick of her yet, Tony.” Leo smirked at his sister, and Tony laughed. “You are either the most patient guy in the world, or the dumbest.” Leo grinned again, and Stella made a face at him.
“I’m just still surprised you haven’t tried to kick my ass for dating your sister,” Tony said with a chuckle, and Leo nodded.
“Yeah, well, what are best friends for if not to dump their annoying sisters on?”
The conversation continued and the other two girls stood awkwardly against the lockers, talking in hushed voices and glancing back and forth between the other two groups. Pat, Chris, and Ben had gone back to their own conversation, discussing what they had done with their summer and comparing schedules. The groups weren’t separated for long, though, when Leo suddenly spoke up.
“Hey, guys, we’re having a party next weekend, sort of a back-to-school thing. We have a Saturday game for football, so we’re just going to do it Friday night. You guys are gonna come, right?” Leo asked. The groups moved a little closer together, forming a more solid unit than three separated entities.
“Yeah, of course,” Pat replied.
“Awesome. It’s actually a masquerade theme, Hannah’s idea,” Leo went on, grinning at the shortest of the three girls, who blushed and looked away. “But hey, my little sister is pretty creative, I know it’ll be great.”
“Masks, huh? Oh that’s a great idea, just what we need, to not be able to tell all those girls apart,” Ben said with a loud laugh.
“The bigger problem is how will the girls be able to avoid you,” the third girl said with a hint of bitterness, making everyone stop. They were all quiet as Ben stepped forward, looking around Pat and Leo to see Becca. She was thin, pretty, sandy hair, the exact look that Ben would normally drool over. However, there was a certain disposition to Becca that gave her a rather menacing vibe. Perhaps it was the scowl on her face, which didn’t seem at all fitting with her otherwise pretty features. Everyone was holding their tongues, watching with anticipation. In Pat and Leo’s cases, they were trying not to laugh.
“Still as bitter as ever I see,” Ben said with a sarcastic grin.
“I’m not bitter, well, except for when you are around, but then again, who can blame me for that?” she replied quickly, standing up straight and looking him in the eyes.
“You are the only girl in this school who feels that way, Becca. Not that it matters, it’s not like I find any of the other chicks in this school worth my time,” he laughed.
“We’re lucky then, aren’t we? You’re not exactly the best catch yourself.”
“I feel bad for any guy that dates you. You’d probably scratch their face just for looking at you wrong.”
“It wouldn’t be your face I scratch, so why do you care? Then again, some scratch marks might make it look better,” Becca retorted, cocking her head to the side as if examining the possibilities. At this point it was impossible for the others not the laugh. Ben scowled, his face turning red and glaring at his friends.
“I wish my car was as fast as your replies, though speed has little to do with true value,” said Ben. “Keep practicing, maybe someday you’ll actually be able to compare to me.” Ben grinned and with that he turned around and to the other side of Pat, grabbing up his books and slamming his locker shut. Chris and Pat were laughing. A moment later all three had their books and were headed back down the hall, laughter ringing from their mouths. Chris and Ben were pushing each other again while Pat just led them on carelessly.
Becca was frowning, turning to the rest of the group that remained, who quickly stopped their laughing and tried not the smile.
“Oh, don’t let him get to you, Becca. He’s a moron, it’s not worth it,” said Hannah in a small voice, smiling reassuringly.
“My sisters right, Becs. Don’t stress it, alright? We better get going. I’ll see you guys at lunch, okay?” Leo said next. The girl nodded. Tony gave Stella a quick kiss before the boys took off together down the hall. Becca was still frowning, though the two sisters were smiling.
“Stop worrying about him. C’mon, we have Mr. Jonsen for homeroom again, that should cheer you up,” Stella laughed, and Becca finally cracked a smile.
“That isn’t fair. How do you two get the only good looking teacher in the school, and I get stuck with Ms. Shaffer again?” Hannah sighed and the older girls laughed.
“Maybe you’ll get him next year,” Becca shrugged.
“Hope so, it’s my last chance,” Hannah said with a half-hearted smile. “I’ll see you two later.” Hannah gave a small wave as they started in opposite directions. As she walked alone she smiled to herself, unable to get the face of a certain blond-haired boy out of her head.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Ideas for Once Upon A Dream!
I am very excited to say that I finally have a plan for "Once Upon A Dream"! I am very excited. I can not tell you much, but I will tell you this:
-Sammy, Peter, and Wendy are much older than the originals. More like 17-ish. Older, but still young.
-Hook is not as creepy. He is cruel and definitely the bad guy, though, and scary in a more contemporary, adult way. He is in his early 30s, handsome, charming, but it is all a part of his act to lure people to his side and get what he wants.
-Sammy knows Hook's pirate ship very well.
-Slight romance story, though it is an underlying theme to the overall tale and mostly helps with giving is a Happy Ending.
I had a dream last night about Peter Pan, that I was in a play or something for it and we were working on blocking and lines and stuff, like we were making the play as we went, and there were some weird things happening that I ran with and came up with these ideas. I think I might have even been Sammy again, but I'm not sure.
I am busy with school and "Oliver" right now, but I will try to get some pieces up for my new ideas on Once Upon A Dream [including a new title!] and post them as soon as I can!
<3
-Sammy, Peter, and Wendy are much older than the originals. More like 17-ish. Older, but still young.
-Hook is not as creepy. He is cruel and definitely the bad guy, though, and scary in a more contemporary, adult way. He is in his early 30s, handsome, charming, but it is all a part of his act to lure people to his side and get what he wants.
-Sammy knows Hook's pirate ship very well.
-Slight romance story, though it is an underlying theme to the overall tale and mostly helps with giving is a Happy Ending.
I had a dream last night about Peter Pan, that I was in a play or something for it and we were working on blocking and lines and stuff, like we were making the play as we went, and there were some weird things happening that I ran with and came up with these ideas. I think I might have even been Sammy again, but I'm not sure.
I am busy with school and "Oliver" right now, but I will try to get some pieces up for my new ideas on Once Upon A Dream [including a new title!] and post them as soon as I can!
<3
Saturday, November 21, 2009
how can i hold on when
there's nothing to hold on to
it's like trying to write a song
when words and melodies desert you
you can only get by with
barely breathing for so long
before your heart begins to notice
that something had gone wrong
you can fight it all you want
and just try and stay alive
but it's an ill-fated battle if
there's no hope left inside
there's nothing to hold on to
it's like trying to write a song
when words and melodies desert you
you can only get by with
barely breathing for so long
before your heart begins to notice
that something had gone wrong
you can fight it all you want
and just try and stay alive
but it's an ill-fated battle if
there's no hope left inside
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
"Are Angels Real?"
Feedback on the general writing would be greatly appreciated, as well as on Pastor Thomas! I really need to know what people think of him and the vibe they are getting. Thanks <3
---------------------------------------------------------------
The small chapel was quiet today, though that wasn’t unusual for a Tuesday afternoon.
“Well hey there, Sammy.”
She jumped a little at the voice, turning around in her seat to look to the back of the chapel, a smile of relief falling onto her face at the friendly face smiling back.
“Hi Pastor Thomas,” she replied, watching as he gracefully moved down the aisle toward her. The way he moved reminded her of Oliver and how effortlessly every movement seemed to be for him. Her smile wavered for a moment at the thought of him but as the smiling pastor came toward her she forced the smile back into place.
“No class today?” he asked, coming to sit down beside her, casually draping an arm over the back of the pew and bringing up his leg, resting his foot and ankle on his other knee. Pastor Thomas had been pastor at the New Hope Community Church for nine years now. Sammy could vaguely remember how things were before Pastor Thomas, and how boring church had been to her as a young girl at that time. When Pastor Thomas took over the congregation the whole mood of the church seemed to lift like one giant sigh of relief. He was funny and honest, sharing his own stories and giving her a sense that he really was one of them, just another human being trying to live within God. Sammy had never been extremely religious or involved with the church, helping with fundraisers and spaghetti dinners and occasionally singing in the choir when Mrs. Jennings was sick, but church always had been important to her. God was important to her. She didn’t question Him, not really, putting her full trust in him. Now, though, as she sat in the pew with Pastor Thomas, she couldn’t help but feel frustrated. She had hoped that this place of all places would help her find answers, but instead it just left her with many more questions.
“I had a test in my philosophy class, so I got out early,” Sammy explained and he nodded, both of them smiling, perhaps a little too much.
“So what brings you here? It’s lovely out, especially for this time of year! I’m surprised you aren’t out enjoying it.” Pastor Thomas was still smiling brightly. He didn’t seem to mind that Sammy was there, after all, the church was always open to those who needed it. Sammy knew he was right, though. Not necessarily about the weather, but the implied notion that her being there was certainly odd.
“I’m not much of a cold weather person,” she replied easily. It was the truth though she still couldn’t help but feel like she was lying to him. Pastor Thomas said nothing, watching her calmly. Sammy could understand his silence, though. He knew she was there for a reason. She sighed.
“Pastor Thomas, I was wondering… I know this might sound silly, but, do you believe in angels?”
The simplicity of her question seemed to catch him by surprise, but he smiled kindly, looking to his leather hands and then up to the stained glass windows above them where four angels stood together, staring back.
“Yes, I suppose I do, Sammy,” he said. “I believe that they are all around us, helping to do His work on a more, personal level.” She couldn’t help but notice the grin that played upon his lips. “Why do you ask? Do you believe in angels?” He laughed a little, smiling down on her like a small child.
“I think so,” she began with a little hesitation, frowning for a moment and looking up at him. “I mean, I do, I just… I don’t know if I believe in the beautiful creatures with giant wings that wear draped linens and carry harps and have halos, like all the pictures and movies show them. I think… I think they are more like us, like normal people.” Sammy paused, staring now at the same stained glass window Pastor Thomas had been gazing at. “And yeah… I think they work on a personal level, too.”
Her expression was very blank, concentrating on the vague, simple faces of the four men standing in the window. Pastor Thomas looked at her with soft eyes, putting a hand on her shoulder.
“I think that sounds like a reasonable belief,” he began. “It has often been said that angels walk among us, guiding up and pointing us in the right direction. Who is to say that isn’t to be take literally?”
For a moment she worried he was just saying this to appease her, but when she turned to him, seeing the smile and joy on his face, she knew that he believed it, too. She also got the feeling that she wasn’t the one to bring such an idea to him originally. He had already been a believer of these ideas before this conversation. This gave her relief, but also instilled more questions.
“Have you ever seen a angel?”
Sammy was not the only one who seemed surprised by her bold question. Pastor Thomas’ eyes seemed to drift away, still aimed at her though not actually seeing her. For a moment his smile faltered, but he recovered quickly, shaking his head with a small laugh.
“I think that I probably see angels every day, but, who can say for sure?” His smiled was kind again and it put Sammy at ease, even if it wasn’t the answer she was looking for. He glanced at his watch and moved in his seat, and she could tell he wanted to leave.
“I should probably get back to my office. If you need anything, or just want to talk some more, you are always welcome to come back.”
He rose gracefully, nodding to her before walking away casually, hands in his pockets and once again whistling a beautiful melody Sammy couldn’t name. She sighed, wondering if she had scared him away. Did even her own pastor think she was crazy? As much as she was a believer, and even though the bible specifically speaks of angelic encounters, even she had to admit that it did sound a little crazy to think that angels were walking among her. Again a sigh fell from her lips and she sink into the pew, unable to cast her eyes away from the four angels watching her in silence.
---------------------------------------------------------------
The small chapel was quiet today, though that wasn’t unusual for a Tuesday afternoon.
“Well hey there, Sammy.”
She jumped a little at the voice, turning around in her seat to look to the back of the chapel, a smile of relief falling onto her face at the friendly face smiling back.
“Hi Pastor Thomas,” she replied, watching as he gracefully moved down the aisle toward her. The way he moved reminded her of Oliver and how effortlessly every movement seemed to be for him. Her smile wavered for a moment at the thought of him but as the smiling pastor came toward her she forced the smile back into place.
“No class today?” he asked, coming to sit down beside her, casually draping an arm over the back of the pew and bringing up his leg, resting his foot and ankle on his other knee. Pastor Thomas had been pastor at the New Hope Community Church for nine years now. Sammy could vaguely remember how things were before Pastor Thomas, and how boring church had been to her as a young girl at that time. When Pastor Thomas took over the congregation the whole mood of the church seemed to lift like one giant sigh of relief. He was funny and honest, sharing his own stories and giving her a sense that he really was one of them, just another human being trying to live within God. Sammy had never been extremely religious or involved with the church, helping with fundraisers and spaghetti dinners and occasionally singing in the choir when Mrs. Jennings was sick, but church always had been important to her. God was important to her. She didn’t question Him, not really, putting her full trust in him. Now, though, as she sat in the pew with Pastor Thomas, she couldn’t help but feel frustrated. She had hoped that this place of all places would help her find answers, but instead it just left her with many more questions.
“I had a test in my philosophy class, so I got out early,” Sammy explained and he nodded, both of them smiling, perhaps a little too much.
“So what brings you here? It’s lovely out, especially for this time of year! I’m surprised you aren’t out enjoying it.” Pastor Thomas was still smiling brightly. He didn’t seem to mind that Sammy was there, after all, the church was always open to those who needed it. Sammy knew he was right, though. Not necessarily about the weather, but the implied notion that her being there was certainly odd.
“I’m not much of a cold weather person,” she replied easily. It was the truth though she still couldn’t help but feel like she was lying to him. Pastor Thomas said nothing, watching her calmly. Sammy could understand his silence, though. He knew she was there for a reason. She sighed.
“Pastor Thomas, I was wondering… I know this might sound silly, but, do you believe in angels?”
The simplicity of her question seemed to catch him by surprise, but he smiled kindly, looking to his leather hands and then up to the stained glass windows above them where four angels stood together, staring back.
“Yes, I suppose I do, Sammy,” he said. “I believe that they are all around us, helping to do His work on a more, personal level.” She couldn’t help but notice the grin that played upon his lips. “Why do you ask? Do you believe in angels?” He laughed a little, smiling down on her like a small child.
“I think so,” she began with a little hesitation, frowning for a moment and looking up at him. “I mean, I do, I just… I don’t know if I believe in the beautiful creatures with giant wings that wear draped linens and carry harps and have halos, like all the pictures and movies show them. I think… I think they are more like us, like normal people.” Sammy paused, staring now at the same stained glass window Pastor Thomas had been gazing at. “And yeah… I think they work on a personal level, too.”
Her expression was very blank, concentrating on the vague, simple faces of the four men standing in the window. Pastor Thomas looked at her with soft eyes, putting a hand on her shoulder.
“I think that sounds like a reasonable belief,” he began. “It has often been said that angels walk among us, guiding up and pointing us in the right direction. Who is to say that isn’t to be take literally?”
For a moment she worried he was just saying this to appease her, but when she turned to him, seeing the smile and joy on his face, she knew that he believed it, too. She also got the feeling that she wasn’t the one to bring such an idea to him originally. He had already been a believer of these ideas before this conversation. This gave her relief, but also instilled more questions.
“Have you ever seen a angel?”
Sammy was not the only one who seemed surprised by her bold question. Pastor Thomas’ eyes seemed to drift away, still aimed at her though not actually seeing her. For a moment his smile faltered, but he recovered quickly, shaking his head with a small laugh.
“I think that I probably see angels every day, but, who can say for sure?” His smiled was kind again and it put Sammy at ease, even if it wasn’t the answer she was looking for. He glanced at his watch and moved in his seat, and she could tell he wanted to leave.
“I should probably get back to my office. If you need anything, or just want to talk some more, you are always welcome to come back.”
He rose gracefully, nodding to her before walking away casually, hands in his pockets and once again whistling a beautiful melody Sammy couldn’t name. She sighed, wondering if she had scared him away. Did even her own pastor think she was crazy? As much as she was a believer, and even though the bible specifically speaks of angelic encounters, even she had to admit that it did sound a little crazy to think that angels were walking among her. Again a sigh fell from her lips and she sink into the pew, unable to cast her eyes away from the four angels watching her in silence.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Oliver & Dalex
Working endlessly on Dalex for class. I have a lot of muse for that tonight. I am also rereading all my notes and old outlines for Oliver, and I'm starting to get some ideas again!
Most of you know how Oliver turns out [what he is]. If you don't, sorry to spoil the surprise -- He is an angel.
SO! I'd love to pick people's brains ;D lol. This story deals with Oliver, the Archangels [Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, and Uriel], and a vague hierarchy of the angels. If you have any favorite stories or ideas or whatever about Angels, like characteristics that appeal to you or whatever, please let me know! I'm still doing a lot of studying on them, but obviously it is mostly speculative, so opinions and suggestions are loved <3
Likewise, I need concepts about demons. Anything you can think of that you have seen, read, heard of, etc. that interests you, especially when it comes to what they do and how they interact with angels, how you become a demon, etc.
Keep in mind -- God, Jesus, and Lucifer/Satan are NOT a part of this story. They are maybe talked about [obviously] but we never 'meet' them or have anything to do directly with them.
Also, if you just have general comments/ideas/suggestions/criticisms of what I have up already and the story in general, feel free to share those here, too!
So any comments or ideas would be amazingly adored! Thanks guys. I hope to have more to share with you soon!
<3
Most of you know how Oliver turns out [what he is]. If you don't, sorry to spoil the surprise -- He is an angel.
SO! I'd love to pick people's brains ;D lol. This story deals with Oliver, the Archangels [Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, and Uriel], and a vague hierarchy of the angels. If you have any favorite stories or ideas or whatever about Angels, like characteristics that appeal to you or whatever, please let me know! I'm still doing a lot of studying on them, but obviously it is mostly speculative, so opinions and suggestions are loved <3
Likewise, I need concepts about demons. Anything you can think of that you have seen, read, heard of, etc. that interests you, especially when it comes to what they do and how they interact with angels, how you become a demon, etc.
Keep in mind -- God, Jesus, and Lucifer/Satan are NOT a part of this story. They are maybe talked about [obviously] but we never 'meet' them or have anything to do directly with them.
Also, if you just have general comments/ideas/suggestions/criticisms of what I have up already and the story in general, feel free to share those here, too!
So any comments or ideas would be amazingly adored! Thanks guys. I hope to have more to share with you soon!
<3
Friday, November 6, 2009
Love, Claire
There is one reason and one reason alone that I even have this journal -- to complain. I hate complaining. It is a dreary, depressing thing to do and I truly don’t like it. But sometimes, I just need to vent, to shout, to let it all out! I could never complain to my friends, oh no… They have so much in their own lives right now! Poor Carter, Chase, Danny, and Nic. How foolish would I be if I tried to complain about my silly problems when they are dealing with so much more? Still, sometimes, I want to just have a moment to myself, a moment where my problems are important, where my pain is cared about and tended to. Is that selfish? I know it isn’t, but I can’t help but feel guilty whenever I write in these pages, or worse, when I think these words while around my friends, while listening to their stories. Oh, it seems so unfair at times. Still… they are my friends, and they are struggling, and so it is my job to keep their spirits up! To help them see that things will get better for them… even if on the inside, I’m feeling as sad as they are.
I know my problems are minute and too ridiculous to even bring up, but maybe writing about them will help me to just get over it and get back to the more important things. I hope.
Right now, my troubles are simple -- relationship issues. Well, more like my lack of relationship issues, which is an issue in and of itself! You see, I like this boy… I know, I know, that is how these things always start! But I do, I really like him, more than I care to admit. We are good friends, have been for a while now. He is great, truly! My friends like him, we get along splendidly… but there is a glitch. Obviously, or I wouldn’t have a problem now would I? The thing is… he is blind to my affection, and even worse, does not return them. His eyes are glued on another, a girl whom personally I don’t understand what anyone could see in… then again, she is beautiful. Scary at times, but beautiful none the less. She is confident, something I sadly am not. It is still strange to think that he of all people is into her of all people, but that is how it is, and who am I to question it?
Jealous is an ugly color and sadly it is the color that lingers beneath my skin. I am jealous of her, her and her beautiful hair and eyes and her damn confidence. I am not only jealous of her, though. I am jealous of his friends, the ones who still get to see so much of him. I feel like I have hardly spoken to him in the past few weeks, seeing him and occasionally stealing a smile, but hardly anything more.
Why does he torture me this way? Can’t he realize how head over heels I am for him? I wish he would make up his mind, to choose me, or to move on and leave me behind. I can’t take the on and off of our relationship, the weeks without word then the short conversations, followed once more by silence. I once told myself he didn’t mean to do it, but now, I wonder if that is true… I hate to think ill of him, but how can I not?
Oh, this is so dumb of me! Carter is falling apart, Danny is a wreck, Chase is so torn because of it all… And Nic… how can any of us complain about our silly love lives, while he lays there in a hospital bed, fighting for his life? My pretty dancer… Perhaps tomorrow I will go visit him, bring him new flowers. I think he would like that.
Well, I have said far too much. So now it is time to take a deep breath, put on a pleasant smile, and try to spread some cheer! It is a rather old fashioned way to bring a smile to a friend, but there are cookies in the oven that are just about done now, and I have just enough to share with Danny and Alex, whom I’m sure could use them right now, poor boys. I truly hope things work for them. It is nice to see Danny smiling again, and I know I have Alex to thank for that. Cookies won’t help Carter, though perhaps ice cream will. As for Chase, well, perhaps I’ll just stop by and take over his TV as usual and give him a hug. That always seems to help him smile.
Love, Claire.
I know my problems are minute and too ridiculous to even bring up, but maybe writing about them will help me to just get over it and get back to the more important things. I hope.
Right now, my troubles are simple -- relationship issues. Well, more like my lack of relationship issues, which is an issue in and of itself! You see, I like this boy… I know, I know, that is how these things always start! But I do, I really like him, more than I care to admit. We are good friends, have been for a while now. He is great, truly! My friends like him, we get along splendidly… but there is a glitch. Obviously, or I wouldn’t have a problem now would I? The thing is… he is blind to my affection, and even worse, does not return them. His eyes are glued on another, a girl whom personally I don’t understand what anyone could see in… then again, she is beautiful. Scary at times, but beautiful none the less. She is confident, something I sadly am not. It is still strange to think that he of all people is into her of all people, but that is how it is, and who am I to question it?
Jealous is an ugly color and sadly it is the color that lingers beneath my skin. I am jealous of her, her and her beautiful hair and eyes and her damn confidence. I am not only jealous of her, though. I am jealous of his friends, the ones who still get to see so much of him. I feel like I have hardly spoken to him in the past few weeks, seeing him and occasionally stealing a smile, but hardly anything more.
Why does he torture me this way? Can’t he realize how head over heels I am for him? I wish he would make up his mind, to choose me, or to move on and leave me behind. I can’t take the on and off of our relationship, the weeks without word then the short conversations, followed once more by silence. I once told myself he didn’t mean to do it, but now, I wonder if that is true… I hate to think ill of him, but how can I not?
Oh, this is so dumb of me! Carter is falling apart, Danny is a wreck, Chase is so torn because of it all… And Nic… how can any of us complain about our silly love lives, while he lays there in a hospital bed, fighting for his life? My pretty dancer… Perhaps tomorrow I will go visit him, bring him new flowers. I think he would like that.
Well, I have said far too much. So now it is time to take a deep breath, put on a pleasant smile, and try to spread some cheer! It is a rather old fashioned way to bring a smile to a friend, but there are cookies in the oven that are just about done now, and I have just enough to share with Danny and Alex, whom I’m sure could use them right now, poor boys. I truly hope things work for them. It is nice to see Danny smiling again, and I know I have Alex to thank for that. Cookies won’t help Carter, though perhaps ice cream will. As for Chase, well, perhaps I’ll just stop by and take over his TV as usual and give him a hug. That always seems to help him smile.
Love, Claire.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
CW Conflict Scene
This is for the same story as the "Stalker Assignment". I think it takes place afterward, because I love that you don't have names or details in the first assignment, but you definitely learn a lot more here. Lemme know what you think!
---------------------------
The blond boy stretched out on the large chair, lazily draping a leg over the arm and using the remote that lay on his chest to flip through the channels on the TV. It was afternoons like this that he made himself enjoy, even if he couldn’t find anything to watch. His roommates were still out at class, giving him the entire dorm to himself. Finally, some peace, he thought to himself.
Or maybe not.
He sighed as the sound of a rather urgent knock on the door echoed through the small room, blue eyes staring back like he was personally offended by the sound. Another knock came, even louder than the first, and finally he gave in. Sighing again he pulled himself up out of the chair, dragging his feet covered only by unmatched socks across the floor.
"Coming, coming," he whined as he crossed the room. He was groggy, hardly in the mood for any real thinking, but the sight that stood before him as he opened the door quickly woke him up.
For a moment they just stared at each other, and once again he felt fear. It was an emotion he'd been experiencing a lot lately, much to his dislike, though he couldn’t remember being more afraid that he was right now.
"Chase," he said breathlessly, trying to grasp that the usually friendly face was now standing before him with a rather furious expression.
"Danny," the large boy growled in return, stepping past the blond and into the room. Quietly, Danny shut the door, cautiously turning to face his friend. Chase was one of those guys you couldn't help but fear at first glance. He was large, but not brutish. One look told you that he probably spent most of his time at the gym and his efforts had well paid off. Danny wasn't exactly tiny himself, but compared to Chase, he sure felt like it. He had that bad-boy vibe, complete with dark eyes, scruffy hair, and a scowl that seemed permanently glued to his face.
“So when were you going to tell me? Huh?” the larger boy barked, causing Danny to jump a little as he came across the room. “Because you couldn’t have actually thought you two could keep this hidden, did you?” Danny said nothing, just staring back at Chase with petrified eyes. He crossed his arms and looked away, but that didn’t seem to do him any good. “Damn it, Danny, answer me!”
Danny looked up, mouth forming a thin line. For as good as he supposedly was with words, they certainly had been failing him lately. “God, Chase, what was I suppose to tell you? That it was Alex? That I was into the guy dating our best friend?”
“Yes, Danny, that is exactly what you should have done! When you talked to me the other day, I was worried about you, I was afraid you were going to get yourself hurt like you did last time, falling for another straight guy. But then you said you thought that he might be in denial, that he seemed into you. And damn it, Danny… I told you to give it a shot!” Chase laughed, though it was obviously forced, a necessary action to keep himself from completely losing his cool.
“I knew you would do this if I told you who it was,” Danny groaned, looking away again and biting his lower lip. “I knew you would jump the gun on me and get pissed off before you even listened to what I had to say!”
“God, you don’t get it, do you? There’s nothing you could possibly say to make this better, Danny! He was Carter’s boyfriend!”
“He was also a closet case!”
Chase was fuming, pacing through the small living area and avoiding Danny’s gaze. There was a long silence. Neither of them wanted this fight but neither was willing to back down, either. Chase finally stopped pacing and looked up at Danny, his hands on his hips as he tried to steady himself.
Just then, the door behind them creaked. A tall brunette, thin in the waist from years of swimming and a carefree expression on his face, crept in. He was the classic ‘tall, dark, and handsome’, though his good looks could be neglected by the tiredness in his eyes. Even though he smiled there was a weariness to him that would make anyone frown and wonder what was wrong. The moment he realized who all was in the room and sensed the obvious tension, the weariness multiplied and he stopped halfway in the door. Danny stared at him with bewilderment. Chase only glared.
“You.”
Chase reached out with a pointed finger and made a beeline for the new arrival, the rage inside him beginning to boil through to the surface.
“Don’t even think about it.”
Danny had suddenly stepped to the side, cutting off Chase and putting himself between the two boys, both of whom stared at him with obvious surprise.
---------------------------
The blond boy stretched out on the large chair, lazily draping a leg over the arm and using the remote that lay on his chest to flip through the channels on the TV. It was afternoons like this that he made himself enjoy, even if he couldn’t find anything to watch. His roommates were still out at class, giving him the entire dorm to himself. Finally, some peace, he thought to himself.
Or maybe not.
He sighed as the sound of a rather urgent knock on the door echoed through the small room, blue eyes staring back like he was personally offended by the sound. Another knock came, even louder than the first, and finally he gave in. Sighing again he pulled himself up out of the chair, dragging his feet covered only by unmatched socks across the floor.
"Coming, coming," he whined as he crossed the room. He was groggy, hardly in the mood for any real thinking, but the sight that stood before him as he opened the door quickly woke him up.
For a moment they just stared at each other, and once again he felt fear. It was an emotion he'd been experiencing a lot lately, much to his dislike, though he couldn’t remember being more afraid that he was right now.
"Chase," he said breathlessly, trying to grasp that the usually friendly face was now standing before him with a rather furious expression.
"Danny," the large boy growled in return, stepping past the blond and into the room. Quietly, Danny shut the door, cautiously turning to face his friend. Chase was one of those guys you couldn't help but fear at first glance. He was large, but not brutish. One look told you that he probably spent most of his time at the gym and his efforts had well paid off. Danny wasn't exactly tiny himself, but compared to Chase, he sure felt like it. He had that bad-boy vibe, complete with dark eyes, scruffy hair, and a scowl that seemed permanently glued to his face.
“So when were you going to tell me? Huh?” the larger boy barked, causing Danny to jump a little as he came across the room. “Because you couldn’t have actually thought you two could keep this hidden, did you?” Danny said nothing, just staring back at Chase with petrified eyes. He crossed his arms and looked away, but that didn’t seem to do him any good. “Damn it, Danny, answer me!”
Danny looked up, mouth forming a thin line. For as good as he supposedly was with words, they certainly had been failing him lately. “God, Chase, what was I suppose to tell you? That it was Alex? That I was into the guy dating our best friend?”
“Yes, Danny, that is exactly what you should have done! When you talked to me the other day, I was worried about you, I was afraid you were going to get yourself hurt like you did last time, falling for another straight guy. But then you said you thought that he might be in denial, that he seemed into you. And damn it, Danny… I told you to give it a shot!” Chase laughed, though it was obviously forced, a necessary action to keep himself from completely losing his cool.
“I knew you would do this if I told you who it was,” Danny groaned, looking away again and biting his lower lip. “I knew you would jump the gun on me and get pissed off before you even listened to what I had to say!”
“God, you don’t get it, do you? There’s nothing you could possibly say to make this better, Danny! He was Carter’s boyfriend!”
“He was also a closet case!”
Chase was fuming, pacing through the small living area and avoiding Danny’s gaze. There was a long silence. Neither of them wanted this fight but neither was willing to back down, either. Chase finally stopped pacing and looked up at Danny, his hands on his hips as he tried to steady himself.
Just then, the door behind them creaked. A tall brunette, thin in the waist from years of swimming and a carefree expression on his face, crept in. He was the classic ‘tall, dark, and handsome’, though his good looks could be neglected by the tiredness in his eyes. Even though he smiled there was a weariness to him that would make anyone frown and wonder what was wrong. The moment he realized who all was in the room and sensed the obvious tension, the weariness multiplied and he stopped halfway in the door. Danny stared at him with bewilderment. Chase only glared.
“You.”
Chase reached out with a pointed finger and made a beeline for the new arrival, the rage inside him beginning to boil through to the surface.
“Don’t even think about it.”
Danny had suddenly stepped to the side, cutting off Chase and putting himself between the two boys, both of whom stared at him with obvious surprise.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Twisted Love Story
Check out our Dilleona future story line, written by myself and the amazing Sara!
Dilleona - A Twisted Love Story
Dilleona - A Twisted Love Story
Monday, October 26, 2009
Oliver
Just a little scene from Oliver, inspired by the words of a friend of mine. He said something that was so beautifully worded I couldn't get it out of my head, and decided that it was something Oliver would say. Just a small tidbit that will work its way into the story somehow. Enjoy <3
---------------------------------
Autumn was a wonderful season that she wished she could enjoy more. Everything seemed so much more beautiful against the backdrop of changing leaves and in the orange sunlight that only seemed to shine during the fall. It was inspiring, and breathtaking. Even the view from her front door was something to admire. But autumn was also the transition from the warmth of summer into the chill of winter, the one season Stephanie couldn’t stand. She hated the cold, the barren trees and the hazardous conditions that always came with the snow and ice. It was one of those things that was pretty on a post card, as long as you were somewhere warm while you were looking at that postcard.
“It just seems unfair that something this beautiful could lead to something so undesirable,” she sighed, eyes bouncing from red leaf to yellow leaf to brown leaf, catching the cool shade of blue only when she glanced up to the sky before them. Her hands were in the pocket of her light coat, protecting them from the light wind that rushed past them and through the trees.
Oliver was still smiling, eyes fixed on the scattered clouds in the distance.
“I can understand that,” he began with a civil voice, and she knew he disagreed. “But just because something leads to something else that is seemingly undesirable, doesn’t mean we should dismiss it. Beautiful flowers eventually turn into weeds. Sunny days become stormy nights. Life, in turn, leads to death.”
His words were so simple, so honest. She watched him, wishing she understood him more; the way he thought and spoke. I was hard not to watch him in awe, his blue eyes seeming lost in another world while she had to force herself to glance ahead now and then to be sure she didn’t walk into anything. Everything about him was beautiful to her, and she couldn’t help but be amazed.
“I’ve always loved autumn. I remember as a child, dancing in the leaves as they fell from our tree, the taste of my mother’s warm pies, the smell drifting into the yard from the kitchen window. Few things match the beauty of the way the leaves change, and there is a scent to the air that naturally provokes thought and imagination. It is refreshing, in an upside down sort of way. Winter is nature’s time to rest, and spring ushers in the new beginning. Summer brings us laughter and warmth, and a sense that anything is possible. Autumn, though, even with the reputation you and so many others lay upon it, welcomes us with open arms. You can’t help but take it up on its offer to enjoy it, to pile up the leaves and jump right in.”
He ended with a wide smile, glancing down at her. She smiled back, lost in the image of his words. They seemed to innocent, the idea of jumping into a pile of leaves, and yet only he could take something so simple and transform it into something profound and inspiring. They began to slow when he realized that she was still staring, and he laughed a little, stopping completely and facing her with squinty eyes as the sun poured over them.
“Did I say something wrong?”
“No, no. Everything you said was perfect.”
They smiled at one another before falling into soft laughter, stepping closer as they continued down the trail.
---------------------------------
Autumn was a wonderful season that she wished she could enjoy more. Everything seemed so much more beautiful against the backdrop of changing leaves and in the orange sunlight that only seemed to shine during the fall. It was inspiring, and breathtaking. Even the view from her front door was something to admire. But autumn was also the transition from the warmth of summer into the chill of winter, the one season Stephanie couldn’t stand. She hated the cold, the barren trees and the hazardous conditions that always came with the snow and ice. It was one of those things that was pretty on a post card, as long as you were somewhere warm while you were looking at that postcard.
“It just seems unfair that something this beautiful could lead to something so undesirable,” she sighed, eyes bouncing from red leaf to yellow leaf to brown leaf, catching the cool shade of blue only when she glanced up to the sky before them. Her hands were in the pocket of her light coat, protecting them from the light wind that rushed past them and through the trees.
Oliver was still smiling, eyes fixed on the scattered clouds in the distance.
“I can understand that,” he began with a civil voice, and she knew he disagreed. “But just because something leads to something else that is seemingly undesirable, doesn’t mean we should dismiss it. Beautiful flowers eventually turn into weeds. Sunny days become stormy nights. Life, in turn, leads to death.”
His words were so simple, so honest. She watched him, wishing she understood him more; the way he thought and spoke. I was hard not to watch him in awe, his blue eyes seeming lost in another world while she had to force herself to glance ahead now and then to be sure she didn’t walk into anything. Everything about him was beautiful to her, and she couldn’t help but be amazed.
“I’ve always loved autumn. I remember as a child, dancing in the leaves as they fell from our tree, the taste of my mother’s warm pies, the smell drifting into the yard from the kitchen window. Few things match the beauty of the way the leaves change, and there is a scent to the air that naturally provokes thought and imagination. It is refreshing, in an upside down sort of way. Winter is nature’s time to rest, and spring ushers in the new beginning. Summer brings us laughter and warmth, and a sense that anything is possible. Autumn, though, even with the reputation you and so many others lay upon it, welcomes us with open arms. You can’t help but take it up on its offer to enjoy it, to pile up the leaves and jump right in.”
He ended with a wide smile, glancing down at her. She smiled back, lost in the image of his words. They seemed to innocent, the idea of jumping into a pile of leaves, and yet only he could take something so simple and transform it into something profound and inspiring. They began to slow when he realized that she was still staring, and he laughed a little, stopping completely and facing her with squinty eyes as the sun poured over them.
“Did I say something wrong?”
“No, no. Everything you said was perfect.”
They smiled at one another before falling into soft laughter, stepping closer as they continued down the trail.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Transferring Oliver into 3rd Person
I have the most experience with third person writing and I've noticed in my more recent pieces that third person is the easiest for me when it comes to "showing, not telling", the advice I get a lot from reviewers. I am working on transferring the Carnival scene into third person today, and once that is completed I'll post it. It will be the same story, I am literally going through paragraph by paragraph and adjusting it to fit the third person POV. Hopefully it turns out well. Once I post it I'm going to update my poll and see which version people like better, and then hopefully I can continue on to other scenes in the story!
<3
<3
Us
This was just really quickly written, I didn't think much about it as I typed.. Enjoy.
-----------------------------------
I’m not judging, I’m not demanding.
I’m only wondering why
and trying to see things as you do.
I’m not pushing you and expecting anything in return
but only trying to understand you
and help you if in some way I can.
All this time you’ve been building to this point
to these thoughts, to this indecision.
So why didn’t you tell me?
Why didn’t you talk to me?
You are perfectly selfish,
keeping from me what I deserve to know
and yet I can’t bring myself to blame you for it.
I want better for us.
I want us to be able to wake up
and feel glad for a new day
and to know where we are going
if only in theory.
I don’t want to hear your name and wonder “what if?”
I don’t want to always wonder why
and end with no answers.
I want you to be able to take a deep breath and truly smile
and enjoy the people and place around you
with genuine happiness.
-----------------------------------
I’m not judging, I’m not demanding.
I’m only wondering why
and trying to see things as you do.
I’m not pushing you and expecting anything in return
but only trying to understand you
and help you if in some way I can.
All this time you’ve been building to this point
to these thoughts, to this indecision.
So why didn’t you tell me?
Why didn’t you talk to me?
You are perfectly selfish,
keeping from me what I deserve to know
and yet I can’t bring myself to blame you for it.
I want better for us.
I want us to be able to wake up
and feel glad for a new day
and to know where we are going
if only in theory.
I don’t want to hear your name and wonder “what if?”
I don’t want to always wonder why
and end with no answers.
I want you to be able to take a deep breath and truly smile
and enjoy the people and place around you
with genuine happiness.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Stalker Assignment
So for Creative Writing we are not going into fiction. Woot! Our first assignment was the Stalker Assignment, as we call it. We were suppose to watch someone(s) we didn't know for ten to fifteen minutes, make observations about them, and then write a 1-2 page piece the helps to give readers an into to the character, specifically but not limited to their physical description.
Wellll... I sort of cheated, and didn't stalk anyone. Instead, I used characters that already exist =P Lmao. Ops. They are MY characters, so I mean, I could be schizo and say I stalked them in my head. xD If she asks I'll just say I saw a guy and a girl talking, didn't know what they were talking about, so I made up my own story ;D Woot. If you know my characters enough you might know who they are. Enjoy!
----------------------------------------------
A boy and a girl stood huddled beside the lockers, and at first glance things seemed almost cozy as they leaned close to talk in hushed tones. Oh how deceiving, the boy knew, as he bit his lip to help calm his temper. It wasn’t working and finally he snapped.
“I am sick of everyone getting on my case about this. I get that yelling at people is your thing, but find someone else to do it to!”
She grabbed his arm and forced him to face her, which he obviously had no desire to do. Grudgingly the taller boy obliged, seeming to shrink as she stared him down. She didn’t let go, tightly holding him in place as if afraid he would make a run for it if she let up on her grip. He crossed his arms, a failing attempt to show off his muscles and scare her away. It was clear that no amount of brawn was going to achieve that. If anything, he appeared to be the scared one, and you really couldn’t blame him. Sure, he was bigger than her, taller, more muscular, but sometimes size has nothing to do with the fear you can strike into a person. She was on the taller side as far as girls go, thin and toned. The raven curls that gathered at her shoulders were such a stark contrast to her pale skin that she appeared almost ghostly, and the dark circles around her silver eyes only added to the mystery of her face. Curiously her lips were violently red, though it suited her somehow. Everything about her screamed confidence (something her companion seemed to lack in comparison), if not intimidation, and it was apparent that her charm was getting to him.
“Listen, blondie,” she began bitterly, causing his blue eyes to fall even further into fear. “I’m not here to yell at you, but I sure as hell will if you don’t shut up and listen to me.”
He hesitated.
“What do you want then? Because I don’t need another lecture.”
“Oh, get over yourself!” She sighed in frustration, fighting the urge to hit him again. “Screw what they want to say, they’re just pissed off right now. Can’t say I blame them, you did royally screw up…” He wasn’t too pleased by her comment, though she didn’t seem to care. “Look, this isn‘t just about you and your little friends. My friend, one of my best friends, is in this, too, making it my business.”
He didn’t say anything back, knowing she was right. She was always right.
“I get that you gave up a lot to get here, but just remember that you two are in this together now, and that you’re not the only one who had to sacrifice something,” she said.
There was actual caring in her tone, much to his surprise. The hardness of her face began to soften, genuine concern filtering through the cold exterior. The blond looked at her with weary eyes.
“I know, I know. I haven’t forgotten that. Trust me… I just hate that I’m stuck here with my friends hating me and judging me like I did this intentionally! Like I meant to hurt them!” It was his turn to sigh, running a hand through his sandy hair and reminding himself to breathe.
She frowned and put a hand on his shoulder. The gesture was friendly, more like a comfort than her earlier embrace had been.
“Look, I know it sucks, but if you let their words break you down that means all of this was for nothing! And it would be my friend left with the broken heart, and I swear to god if that happens at your hands, I will kick your ass.”
He looked at her, almost surprised to see that she was actually smiling. Well, smirking. She didn’t smile, not really. He knew that even with the expression on her face she was still being serious, that she really would, and could, kick his ass if he gave her a reason to.
“I promise you that is not going to happen.” he said quietly. As sincere as he was he still couldn’t help but fear the days ahead. Sure, he was happy now, determined to hold on to what he had miraculously gained in his life, but a part of him couldn’t help but wonder if it was fair.
“Good to hear.” The girl chimed back. She was content with his response. For now.
Wellll... I sort of cheated, and didn't stalk anyone. Instead, I used characters that already exist =P Lmao. Ops. They are MY characters, so I mean, I could be schizo and say I stalked them in my head. xD If she asks I'll just say I saw a guy and a girl talking, didn't know what they were talking about, so I made up my own story ;D Woot. If you know my characters enough you might know who they are. Enjoy!
----------------------------------------------
A boy and a girl stood huddled beside the lockers, and at first glance things seemed almost cozy as they leaned close to talk in hushed tones. Oh how deceiving, the boy knew, as he bit his lip to help calm his temper. It wasn’t working and finally he snapped.
“I am sick of everyone getting on my case about this. I get that yelling at people is your thing, but find someone else to do it to!”
She grabbed his arm and forced him to face her, which he obviously had no desire to do. Grudgingly the taller boy obliged, seeming to shrink as she stared him down. She didn’t let go, tightly holding him in place as if afraid he would make a run for it if she let up on her grip. He crossed his arms, a failing attempt to show off his muscles and scare her away. It was clear that no amount of brawn was going to achieve that. If anything, he appeared to be the scared one, and you really couldn’t blame him. Sure, he was bigger than her, taller, more muscular, but sometimes size has nothing to do with the fear you can strike into a person. She was on the taller side as far as girls go, thin and toned. The raven curls that gathered at her shoulders were such a stark contrast to her pale skin that she appeared almost ghostly, and the dark circles around her silver eyes only added to the mystery of her face. Curiously her lips were violently red, though it suited her somehow. Everything about her screamed confidence (something her companion seemed to lack in comparison), if not intimidation, and it was apparent that her charm was getting to him.
“Listen, blondie,” she began bitterly, causing his blue eyes to fall even further into fear. “I’m not here to yell at you, but I sure as hell will if you don’t shut up and listen to me.”
He hesitated.
“What do you want then? Because I don’t need another lecture.”
“Oh, get over yourself!” She sighed in frustration, fighting the urge to hit him again. “Screw what they want to say, they’re just pissed off right now. Can’t say I blame them, you did royally screw up…” He wasn’t too pleased by her comment, though she didn’t seem to care. “Look, this isn‘t just about you and your little friends. My friend, one of my best friends, is in this, too, making it my business.”
He didn’t say anything back, knowing she was right. She was always right.
“I get that you gave up a lot to get here, but just remember that you two are in this together now, and that you’re not the only one who had to sacrifice something,” she said.
There was actual caring in her tone, much to his surprise. The hardness of her face began to soften, genuine concern filtering through the cold exterior. The blond looked at her with weary eyes.
“I know, I know. I haven’t forgotten that. Trust me… I just hate that I’m stuck here with my friends hating me and judging me like I did this intentionally! Like I meant to hurt them!” It was his turn to sigh, running a hand through his sandy hair and reminding himself to breathe.
She frowned and put a hand on his shoulder. The gesture was friendly, more like a comfort than her earlier embrace had been.
“Look, I know it sucks, but if you let their words break you down that means all of this was for nothing! And it would be my friend left with the broken heart, and I swear to god if that happens at your hands, I will kick your ass.”
He looked at her, almost surprised to see that she was actually smiling. Well, smirking. She didn’t smile, not really. He knew that even with the expression on her face she was still being serious, that she really would, and could, kick his ass if he gave her a reason to.
“I promise you that is not going to happen.” he said quietly. As sincere as he was he still couldn’t help but fear the days ahead. Sure, he was happy now, determined to hold on to what he had miraculously gained in his life, but a part of him couldn’t help but wonder if it was fair.
“Good to hear.” The girl chimed back. She was content with his response. For now.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Of Me
I look at you and I can’t help but smile
and at the same time I find myself in sorrow,
wondering what it is you think of me.
Just your name is enough to brighten my day
and your voice, your words,
they inspire me.
I want to believe that the clouds will clear
and in that sunlight we’ll find a new day.
You make me feel so bright,
so optimistic and encouraged,
as silly as it sounds.
There is no reason this should be
for we’ve known each other for so brief a time.
And yet it is the truth and
I know I can not lie any longer.
Still I hesitate
and wonder what it is you think of me.
I can not speak for you
even if I felt like trying
for you are something so unique and rare
that I could never pretend to step into your place.
I wish you would speak up
and share what it is you are thinking.
I am far from a mind reader and I can not begin to guess,
but I want to know, I need to know.
The sun still shines
and blinds me from the growing storm
but it can not hide its darkening realities forever.
Before it reaches me, before it traps me
in a world where I can no longer
tell truth from my own fears,
tell me.
Please don’t leave me
wondering what it is you think of me.
and at the same time I find myself in sorrow,
wondering what it is you think of me.
Just your name is enough to brighten my day
and your voice, your words,
they inspire me.
I want to believe that the clouds will clear
and in that sunlight we’ll find a new day.
You make me feel so bright,
so optimistic and encouraged,
as silly as it sounds.
There is no reason this should be
for we’ve known each other for so brief a time.
And yet it is the truth and
I know I can not lie any longer.
Still I hesitate
and wonder what it is you think of me.
I can not speak for you
even if I felt like trying
for you are something so unique and rare
that I could never pretend to step into your place.
I wish you would speak up
and share what it is you are thinking.
I am far from a mind reader and I can not begin to guess,
but I want to know, I need to know.
The sun still shines
and blinds me from the growing storm
but it can not hide its darkening realities forever.
Before it reaches me, before it traps me
in a world where I can no longer
tell truth from my own fears,
tell me.
Please don’t leave me
wondering what it is you think of me.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Guardian - another poem
Poem for Creative Writing. Based on this photograph: http://www.keithberr.com/Keith_Berr_Productions/Production_Photography/Personal_Work_Portfolio/Ruins_and_Life/Gopura.jpg ---------------------------------------
Guardian
I want to see what you see,
the forgotten,
the distant.
Fading into memory and crumbling into dust,
succumbing to defeat yet never uttering complaint.
Why don't you speak up?
A haunting image of
beauty on the cliff side of heaven on earth. A
patchwork of stone defining those eyes, those lips -
resilient guardians of the vast unknown.
What have you seen?
So much beauty and pain over centuries of regard.
So still and silent,
alluringly ominous in your carved perfection.
There is so much more for you to see.
Breathtaking and humble,
I am envious of you,
waiting for the wind to
breathe life into your eyes again.
--------------------------------
Input please? Printing it for class soon. Ha. <3
Guardian
I want to see what you see,
the forgotten,
the distant.
Fading into memory and crumbling into dust,
succumbing to defeat yet never uttering complaint.
Why don't you speak up?
A haunting image of
beauty on the cliff side of heaven on earth. A
patchwork of stone defining those eyes, those lips -
resilient guardians of the vast unknown.
What have you seen?
So much beauty and pain over centuries of regard.
So still and silent,
alluringly ominous in your carved perfection.
There is so much more for you to see.
Breathtaking and humble,
I am envious of you,
waiting for the wind to
breathe life into your eyes again.
--------------------------------
Input please? Printing it for class soon. Ha. <3
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Red & White Perfection
So this is my first official poem for my Creative Writing class! Now, as a note, I am not a poet. I do not pretend to be a poet. I am use to narrative writing where I'm not limited to fewer lines and less detail! Haha. First is the original draft, and then the rewrite based on the comments during the workshop today. Tell me what you think! For all of you girls from Elyria, give me a guess as to what this is about.
------------------------------------
Red & White Perfection
My arm had never looked more beautiful
Than it did that day.
My first corsage sat tied on my wrist
With delicate ribbons
Feather light petals kissing my skin.
The pure white carnation smelled so sweet
Made only more beautiful by the red bows
A combination of colors so fitting for the day.
For once I did not regret that this sight
Of perfection on my wrist was new.
Today was a long awaited and bittersweet goodbye
Leaving behind those peers of youth.
I smile and think of all the joys of that day
The pride of moving forward
And still too naïve for remorse.
--------------------------------------------------
Red & White Perfection
My arm had never looked more beautiful
than it did that day.
My first and only corsage sat tied on my wrist
with delicate ribbons,
feather light petals kissing my skin.
The pure white carnation smelled so sweet
made only more beautiful by the red bows,
a combination of colors so fitting for the day.
For once I did not regret that this sight
of perfection on my wrist was new.
The bitterness of having lacked such a sight
in the past and in the usual way
was nowhere to be found.
My teacher handed me the flawless piece,
not a boy,
and for that I was strangely moved.
Today was a long awaited and bittersweet goodbye,
leaving behind those peers of youth.
I smile and think of the joys,
the laughter and already fading memories,
the pride of moving forward
and still too naïve for remorse.
------------------------------------
Red & White Perfection
My arm had never looked more beautiful
Than it did that day.
My first corsage sat tied on my wrist
With delicate ribbons
Feather light petals kissing my skin.
The pure white carnation smelled so sweet
Made only more beautiful by the red bows
A combination of colors so fitting for the day.
For once I did not regret that this sight
Of perfection on my wrist was new.
Today was a long awaited and bittersweet goodbye
Leaving behind those peers of youth.
I smile and think of all the joys of that day
The pride of moving forward
And still too naïve for remorse.
--------------------------
Red & White Perfection
My arm had never looked more beautiful
than it did that day.
My first and only corsage sat tied on my wrist
with delicate ribbons,
feather light petals kissing my skin.
The pure white carnation smelled so sweet
made only more beautiful by the red bows,
a combination of colors so fitting for the day.
For once I did not regret that this sight
of perfection on my wrist was new.
The bitterness of having lacked such a sight
in the past and in the usual way
was nowhere to be found.
My teacher handed me the flawless piece,
not a boy,
and for that I was strangely moved.
Today was a long awaited and bittersweet goodbye,
leaving behind those peers of youth.
I smile and think of the joys,
the laughter and already fading memories,
the pride of moving forward
and still too naïve for remorse.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Poem
This poem is based on the second free write I did a few days ago. I haven't gone over it, this is the first draft, so yeah. Take a look and see what you think ^^;
----------------------------
Out of all the people in this crazy school, of course he’s the one I notice.
Of course he is the one who I can’t stop thinking about,
the one who’s face lingers in front of my eyes like a bug you can’t swat.
Here I am again, yearning for what I can’t have.
Sometimes you just are not allowed to want a certain guy,
you are not allowed to dream about them and pray that they see you.
Your best friend’s boyfriend is at the top of that list.
And here I am! Wanting him, just as I shouldn’t.
Its not like I planned this or even want things to be this way.
I hated him at first, thought he wasn’t good enough for her.
But he grew on me, becoming a true friend, someone I could trust.
He never judged me, helping me for my sake and not to impress his girl.
I’m not sure which of those words burns my tongue the most.
And now they are worried, wondering why I am avoiding them so desperately,
hiding from them and finding excuses to keep away.
“Don’t worry, he’ll come around,” I hear her telling him.
Ha!
If only she knew.
If only she knew that secretly I longed to take him from her,
to make him want me instead.
If only she knew.
I want to ignore it, to move on and let him go.
He’s just another guy, another stupid guy… but
I can’t stop wondering if he feels the same.
I catch him looking at me, and I know that look.
Is he embarrassed?
Ashamed?
Am I just an idiot reading too much into the glances of a silly boy
gazing across the room at a friend?
I probably am.
No, I definitely am.
I have to keep my distance, to stay away a little longer.
Eventually I’ll come around, I’ll forget him.
What’s a little heartbreak of my own, if it means sparing her that pain?
\
----------------------------
Out of all the people in this crazy school, of course he’s the one I notice.
Of course he is the one who I can’t stop thinking about,
the one who’s face lingers in front of my eyes like a bug you can’t swat.
Here I am again, yearning for what I can’t have.
Sometimes you just are not allowed to want a certain guy,
you are not allowed to dream about them and pray that they see you.
Your best friend’s boyfriend is at the top of that list.
And here I am! Wanting him, just as I shouldn’t.
Its not like I planned this or even want things to be this way.
I hated him at first, thought he wasn’t good enough for her.
But he grew on me, becoming a true friend, someone I could trust.
He never judged me, helping me for my sake and not to impress his girl.
I’m not sure which of those words burns my tongue the most.
And now they are worried, wondering why I am avoiding them so desperately,
hiding from them and finding excuses to keep away.
“Don’t worry, he’ll come around,” I hear her telling him.
Ha!
If only she knew.
If only she knew that secretly I longed to take him from her,
to make him want me instead.
If only she knew.
I want to ignore it, to move on and let him go.
He’s just another guy, another stupid guy… but
I can’t stop wondering if he feels the same.
I catch him looking at me, and I know that look.
Is he embarrassed?
Ashamed?
Am I just an idiot reading too much into the glances of a silly boy
gazing across the room at a friend?
I probably am.
No, I definitely am.
I have to keep my distance, to stay away a little longer.
Eventually I’ll come around, I’ll forget him.
What’s a little heartbreak of my own, if it means sparing her that pain?
\
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Short Free Write 3
If you have read any of my past entries, you might be able to guess who this is.
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I wish I could tell her everything. I want nothing more in this world and the next than to sit her down and tell her all about me, to reveal these secrets and show her the truth. I know that becoming attached to her was foolish. It has compromised my work and worst of all, it has brought her into things I had no right to involve her in. How do I explain to her that she is in danger because of me? That it was not her brother that brought me to them that day, but that it was her I was seeking out? How can I possibly expect her to understand? She would never forgive me for pulling her into a world that she was happier, safer, without.
There are times when I wonder if I made the right choice. I’m not sure which decision this applies to for there are many times over the many years of my existence that I now look back and nearly regret. Had I changed one thing, she would be safe, living a happy life without the chaos of my world pulling her in. I can see it in her eyes. She is curious, captivated. Perhaps if I hadn’t taken this job, or if I hadn’t returned last year, she wouldn’t have been given a glimpse of this fantasy, or what she perceives as fantastic. She is naïve and doesn’t know what she is seeing. It is not the dream she envisions and keeps prying towards. I feel like I can not deny her the truth, I wish that I could speak to her honestly. My God knows how much I want this. But is it fair to her? To let her taste this world she longs for knowing that it will not be the heaven she expected, and that I have to deny her it?
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I wish I could tell her everything. I want nothing more in this world and the next than to sit her down and tell her all about me, to reveal these secrets and show her the truth. I know that becoming attached to her was foolish. It has compromised my work and worst of all, it has brought her into things I had no right to involve her in. How do I explain to her that she is in danger because of me? That it was not her brother that brought me to them that day, but that it was her I was seeking out? How can I possibly expect her to understand? She would never forgive me for pulling her into a world that she was happier, safer, without.
There are times when I wonder if I made the right choice. I’m not sure which decision this applies to for there are many times over the many years of my existence that I now look back and nearly regret. Had I changed one thing, she would be safe, living a happy life without the chaos of my world pulling her in. I can see it in her eyes. She is curious, captivated. Perhaps if I hadn’t taken this job, or if I hadn’t returned last year, she wouldn’t have been given a glimpse of this fantasy, or what she perceives as fantastic. She is naïve and doesn’t know what she is seeing. It is not the dream she envisions and keeps prying towards. I feel like I can not deny her the truth, I wish that I could speak to her honestly. My God knows how much I want this. But is it fair to her? To let her taste this world she longs for knowing that it will not be the heaven she expected, and that I have to deny her it?
Short Free Write 2
When is it going to end? The pain and worry and heartache. Why do I find myself wishing I really were as numb as they say? Maybe then all of this wouldn’t hurt, that their accidents wouldn’t mean so damn much. I know what they say about me when they’re not afraid I’m listening. They think I’m cold, that I truly lack any real emotion other than anger and resentment. They take this stony exterior and believe it is my only face. But that is what I wanted, right? I wanted that distance, that fear. Its done a pretty good job at keeping them away so far. Its what I wanted. Its what I still want! I don’t need them, any of them. I only need my real friends, my family. The ones I love above all else and the ones who always seem to be the ones who regardless of how strong they are break and fall apart, lying in some bed one way or another and it breaks my heart. I can not just sit here and watch them suffer like this. I feel pain. I cry and scream and love and hate. Why can’t they see that? God, why do I even care what they see? My energy should not be wasted on my foolish peers, it should be spent helping my friends, helping to hold them up and to fight through whatever damned obstacle is working to keep them down. I shouldn’t be sitting here pitying myself and worrying about my own silly problems. I have to be there for them, for the ones that matter. I need to ignore the ones who don’t, because they aren’t worth my time. They want anger? I’ll show them anger. I’m angry that it is these strong people who are continuously forced to their knees while people like Iz McCarthy keep living in so-called perfection. They would be smart to realize how much I am capable of feeling, because trust me, they don’t want to see me angry.
Short Free Write
This is the first of a few free writes I did today. Each free write is from a different point of view from a character of mine. I am not going to give you any other information on any of the characters except for that. Not age, gender, anything about their personality, etc. I would absolutely love it if people would leave comments telling me what their guesses are about the character and what is going on. =] It would really be powerful feedback for me. Thanks guys, and enjoy!!
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Why him? How him? God, of all the people in this crazy school how is he the one I notice? Why is he the one I can’t stop thinking about when he’s not around? And why am I always asking myself so many god damn questions about the exact same things? I hate this, I promise you I do. There are a few things in high school that you just don’t do, and falling for your best friend’s boyfriends is one of them.
Its not like I planned this, or even want it! I didn’t even like the guy at first, I thought he was a prick and even tried to convince her not to date him. I admit, though, that he eventually grew on me. I came to consider him a friend, someone I could trust. He never judged me. I knew he was genuinely interested in befriending me and not just to impress his girlfriend. God, I don’t know which of those two words I hate most.
Now I have them worried about me. I can’t say I blame them. I go from being just another part of the gang to avoiding him at all costs. I knew that they all noticed. I heard her tell him, “Don’t worry, he’ll come around.” Ha! If only she knew. If only she knew I was secretly attracted to her boyfriend, that just being around him made my head spin and my heart race. If she knew, I’m sure she’d be singing a different tune.
I would try to ignore it, to move on and let it go, but I can’t stop wondering if he feels the same. I know its foolish and just plain stupid. He’s with her! Of course he isn’t interested in me! And yes, there are times when I catch him looking at me across the room, and I can just feel it. Is he embarrassed? Ashamed? Or am I reading too much into this again? For now I’ll just keep my distance, bit my tongue and ignore it. I’d rather break my own heart than her’s.
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Why him? How him? God, of all the people in this crazy school how is he the one I notice? Why is he the one I can’t stop thinking about when he’s not around? And why am I always asking myself so many god damn questions about the exact same things? I hate this, I promise you I do. There are a few things in high school that you just don’t do, and falling for your best friend’s boyfriends is one of them.
Its not like I planned this, or even want it! I didn’t even like the guy at first, I thought he was a prick and even tried to convince her not to date him. I admit, though, that he eventually grew on me. I came to consider him a friend, someone I could trust. He never judged me. I knew he was genuinely interested in befriending me and not just to impress his girlfriend. God, I don’t know which of those two words I hate most.
Now I have them worried about me. I can’t say I blame them. I go from being just another part of the gang to avoiding him at all costs. I knew that they all noticed. I heard her tell him, “Don’t worry, he’ll come around.” Ha! If only she knew. If only she knew I was secretly attracted to her boyfriend, that just being around him made my head spin and my heart race. If she knew, I’m sure she’d be singing a different tune.
I would try to ignore it, to move on and let it go, but I can’t stop wondering if he feels the same. I know its foolish and just plain stupid. He’s with her! Of course he isn’t interested in me! And yes, there are times when I catch him looking at me across the room, and I can just feel it. Is he embarrassed? Ashamed? Or am I reading too much into this again? For now I’ll just keep my distance, bit my tongue and ignore it. I’d rather break my own heart than her’s.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Been a while!
Alright, so I'm back in class and I've been ridiculously busy with all things life the last few weeks! I am hoping to sit down and hammer out a bit more of "Oliver" this week, so watch for that. Thanks to those who are leaving comments and voted in the poll!
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Sunday, August 9, 2009
Working now
Alrighty, so the poll I thought I added didn't go up, but it is there now! So please, vote and leave me some comments! I'd love to hear your thoughts, guys. <3
Oh! By the way! You do not have to be a registered blogger to comment on my two journals! Anyone can post! Just please let me know who you are if you do comment 'anonymously'. Thanks guys <3
Oh! By the way! You do not have to be a registered blogger to comment on my two journals! Anyone can post! Just please let me know who you are if you do comment 'anonymously'. Thanks guys <3
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Next addition?
Alright.. so I don't have anywhere to go with Once Upon A Dream right now, so I'm leaving that. I have a lot of stuff for Atlantis that I need to edit, and a lot of ideas for Oliver I need to get down on paper [or, on my computer, whichever!] I also have more of my Nuke Fanfic to put up. SO! I'm making another poll. I can't do all three at once, so I need to pick just one to work on for now. So go vote for what you want more of! Atlantis, Nuke, or Oliver! <3
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Hey there!
Be sure to check out my personal blog, now through blogger!
http://ripleysoap.blogspot.com/
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http://ripleysoap.blogspot.com/
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Tuesday, August 4, 2009
New Story?
Alright. I have a story, start to finish, and! two parts, that I might start working on. Thouuugh, I might hold off on it. It's a love story, but not one you've ever heard. I promise. Well, the second part is, but with a twist, and its fun. Aha. But the beginning is about young love, heart ache, betrayal, and just how strong love can be.
When Leona Conily went to England with her family and met Dillion House, a sweet local boy who helped them find their way around the city, she never thought she was meeting the boy who would change her life forever. After two weeks of bliss and happiness on the tail coats of young love, their summer romance ends in heart break and confusion, leaving them both with opposing perspectives and mixed signals. Leona returns home and goes back to school, believing life will get better. She moved on, and back in England, so did Dillion.
Unforeseen circumstances cast Dillion into a new lifestyle and he is sent by his rich but unloving father to America for school, now taking the name Dillion Hepburn. What happens when two past love birds find each other again, only to realize that things can never be the same? What happens when revenge becomes more important than love?
After everything, can Leona ever forgive Dillion? Can Dillion ever escape his past and his father? More importantly, will love actually prevail through such pain? They say love is everything, but they also say that sometimes love isn't enough. For Dillion and Leona, both are true as day, but which will they decide to live by?
<3
When Leona Conily went to England with her family and met Dillion House, a sweet local boy who helped them find their way around the city, she never thought she was meeting the boy who would change her life forever. After two weeks of bliss and happiness on the tail coats of young love, their summer romance ends in heart break and confusion, leaving them both with opposing perspectives and mixed signals. Leona returns home and goes back to school, believing life will get better. She moved on, and back in England, so did Dillion.
Unforeseen circumstances cast Dillion into a new lifestyle and he is sent by his rich but unloving father to America for school, now taking the name Dillion Hepburn. What happens when two past love birds find each other again, only to realize that things can never be the same? What happens when revenge becomes more important than love?
After everything, can Leona ever forgive Dillion? Can Dillion ever escape his past and his father? More importantly, will love actually prevail through such pain? They say love is everything, but they also say that sometimes love isn't enough. For Dillion and Leona, both are true as day, but which will they decide to live by?
<3
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Please Vote!
Please vote in the poll on the left hand side of the screen! I really would like to continue working on something I just don't know what to focus on. Thank you. <3
This I Believe
This was my final paper for my Comparative Politics class. You can learn about 'This I Believe' by going to ThisIBelieve.org.
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“America isn't easy. America is advanced citizenship. You gotta want it bad, 'cause it's gonna put up a fight. It's gonna say "You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who's standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours. You want to claim this land as the land of the free? Then the symbol of your country can't just be a flag; the symbol also has to be one of its citizens exercising his right to burn that flag in protest. Show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms. Then, you can stand up and sing about the ‘land of the free’.”
Since I was a little girl these words have been like my political bible. It may be short and it may be simple, but it guides me not just politically but morally as well. I live by them and swear by them and believe in their meaning passionately and completely. Sure, they are the words of a fictional character, a fictional president at that, but Andrew Shepherd’s words at the end of “The American President” will forever ring true and direct me in life. I wish I could meet Aaron Sorkin, the man who wrote these words, and shake his hand.
“The American President” is one of my all time favorite movies. I didn’t love it simply because it had Michael Douglass, as my mom did, or for the back and forth humor between Andrew Sheppard and his aides that my father loved. What has always captivated me is the speech that President Andrew Shepherd gives at the end of the movie. The press are asking questions about him to his press secretary, asking if he will ever comment on some of attacks his opponent has been slinging. Suddenly, he walks out onto the platform and says, “Yes, he will.” He starts into the speech that to this day continues to inspire me.
Growing up in a family where politics were often discussed and strong opinions were thrown at me from every angle, it was no surprise when I began to take an interest in politics myself, joining in on these conversations with the adults during family get-togethers and expressing my own opinions at a young age. For most kids, their only views were not really views, but teachings, things their parents had instilled in them and taught them to believe but were not based on their own experiences and questions. The same probably would have happened to me, agreeing with what my family members believed, had any of them actually agreed on things.
Alright, so they agree on some things, but they even argue over what they agree on! It can be pretty ridiculous at times, though mildly entertaining. Politics is a touchy subject in my family, especially on my dad’s side. The Ripleys have always been an opinionated bunch and we’re not afraid to show it. Debate is a constant form of communication and “stubbornness” is a common trait in all of us, making our back-and-forths an interesting experience to say the least. My mother learned early on when she married into this family something I am slowly learning myself: Just stay out of it because you can never win. While I know this is true, especially with my grandfather, I still can’t bring myself to “stay out of it”. I’m always throwing in my two cents and defending my arguments until I am so frustrated that I have to leave the room and go play with the little kids in order to calm down. My mom just laughs at me and shakes her head. As much as I hate to admit it sometimes, I really am a Ripley.
It can be hard, disagreeing with people you care about on issues that are important to you. I struggle with this all the time, and not just with my family, but with friends and peers as well. I can’t count the number of times I have sat in this Comparative Politics class or my Contemporary World Problems class, and literally bit my lips to keep from bursting. I can be overly passionate at times and have been known to bite off my friends’ heads when we get into an argument to heatedly, and I always regret it in the end. I want to defend my values, but I wonder sometimes if it is worth it at the expense of my friendships. It’s like that expression, stuck between a rock and a hard place. The sad truth is, I do believe that my values are worth more than my friendships. I hope, though, that I will never have to chose between the two, and so far I haven’t. I’ve had friends that completely disagree with a stance I have taken and that I back whole-heartedly, yet we are still friends. The beliefs shared by Andrew Shepherd, the fictional president, is exactly why this is possible. “Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who's standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours.” I believe in this so completely that I am willing to look past the disagreements and move on to something more productive. What good is fighting? I could fight with this person, argue with them until my lungs give out, and get absolutely nowhere. Or, we could listen to Aaron Sorkin and Andrew Shepherd and continue our friendship and respect each other enough to agree to disagree. I believe that this course of action would not only benefit our own sanity, but if more people would hold these views and actually act accordingly, everyone would be better off. These ‘wars’ between parties would not be so bitter and counter productive. People shouldn’t be afraid or ashamed to support their beliefs, but they do because no one understands the concept of respect.
Respect. Now there’s a word you don’t hear often enough, let alone see being instituted in every day life. People are too concerned with winning, with being on top, that they will do anything to get there, including walking all over respect, dismissing it and spitting on it. In this country, we can not afford to treat respect so poorly. Our country is the Land of the Free! How is anyone truly free if we suppress each other on a daily basis? How are we the Land of the Free if the amount of disrespect people unload upon one another causes us to hide our beliefs, or worse, change them. You can believe whatever you want, but at least have the decency to be educated, and to consider all the opposing arguments. Listen to those words that make your blood boil, and let them stand center stage. Respect them for being brave and informed and passionate. Only when you have done that do you deserve your own podium, to stand up and oppose at the top of your lungs that which they have advocated at the top of theirs.
As children we are taught that it doesn’t matter if you win or lose, as long as you played the game and gave it your all. When did we stop believing this? When did we become so self-centered that we would even toss respect out the window in order to achieve our own ends? When did power become more important that what that power was used for?
The fact that these questions even exist is frightening in its own right. I believe that America has lost itself, that we have forgotten what we are here for, what we were founded upon. We were not suppose to be a country of people who step on each other to reach the top. We were suppose to be a country where those who manage to discover a way to the top, extend a hand and offer help to those below. America may offer opportunity and freedom, but what good are those freedoms if people turn them around and use them to suppress?
I believe that as Americans it is our duty to be informed and our responsibility to be strong and stand our ground. We can not just sit back and allow others to bully us into their views, or to take advantage of our ignorance. It is also our duty to not be the bully, or to take advantage in return. Just because we can step on the little guys doesn’t mean we should. Respect is a powerful thing, a tool that we have forgotten but could do a world of good with if we all would just clear off the dust and wield it once more. This country can not afford to step on each other. As much as so many hate to admit, we are dependant upon one another in more ways than we could possibly realize.
Respect and understanding goes deeper than just our respect for one another as human beings with differing opinions. We are Americans, but we seem to forget just what that means. People do not respect their country anymore, and I believe that this fact is almost more heart breaking than the lack of respect you find between people. Regardless of your stance, chances are you love this country. Why is it, then, we do not respect it? Why do we not respect the obligations set before us enough to actually fulfill them? Most people do not care about the issues, let alone vote and share their opinions. As much as I believe in listening to one another, how can we listen when no one is doing the talking? No one is trying anymore. As the opening quote begins, America is advanced citizenship. You have to want it, because it will put up a fight. And it does put up a fight, one that is easy to win. The problem is that no one cares to fight in the first place. America is a beautiful country because of freedoms granted to us through words written with the blood of those who died fighting for it. They died for an idea, a concept that had yet to be established. They risked their lives, and lost their lives, just for the dream that some day, America would be real. Yet people today aren’t even willing to risk embarrassment, or opposition for something that is here, that does exist. Are we really that pathetic?
Another movie I love is “Swing Vote”. The idea is that somehow the next president will be decided by one single vote, and the world is watching as Bud, a drunk factory worker who doesn’t even know who is running, makes a decision. The two candidates are overly stereotyped towards their parties and Bud is the last person anyone would want deciding who becomes president. Through the course of the movie, the candidates try and play to Bud’s ignorance, something I have already frowned upon. However, they go further than bribery, throwing him parties, and playing to what he knows. They go so far as to change their views to try and sway Bud to their side. The Democrat becomes Pro-Life, the Republican is for Gay Rights and saving the environment. They end up twisting their views for power, and Bud falls for it every time. In the end his daughter, a rather brilliant little girl who knows more about politics and is more confident in her opinions than most American adults, shows Bud just how important his decision is, and why he can’t take this lightly. America waits, begging one man to pick their candidate. In the end Bud realizes that his daughter is right, and decides that he wants to hold a final debate between the two candidates. He takes the time to read the hundreds of thousands of letters people have sent him, and educates himself on the issues. He realizes that just because he has the right to be ignorant and the right to not vote, doesn’t mean he should exercise that right. He finds respect for himself, for the candidates, and for the political system and his country. Bud realizes that from the top of the chain, all the way down to the bottom, we can not afford to be petty, to be misinformed, to be uneducated, or to be disrespectful. We must stop playing games and make the system work the way we were taught it should.
Here is a quote from Bud at the end of the movie in his opening remarks before he moderates the debate:
“I can’t say I’ve been much of anything most of my life. Its sort of like somewhere along the line I checked out and its not like I had big dreams to begin with, but I had something once, something close to faith or hope or whatever word you want to use for how good life could be. But then the years, they start moving quicker and what’ s going good for everybody else ain’t going so good for you. But tonight I feel embarrassed. I’ve had my chances more than most. I’ve grown up in a country where if I decided to do more with my life than just drift and drink, then I could be standing where maybe you stand tonight. Instead I’ve taken freely and I’ve given nothing. I’m ashamed in front of my daughter and my country. I’ve never served or sacrificed. The only heavy lifting I’ve ever been asked is simple stuff like, you know, pay attention. Vote. If America has a true enemy tonight I guess its me. Tonight a below average man is going to chose between two exceptional men. Tomorrow one man’s vote is going to make a difference, cause Tomorrow we are going to have a president and not just someone to fill a chair in Washington. We need someone who’s bigger than their speeches, the kind of president we learned about in school when we still cared. America needs a big thinker. You know, like a giant, really. Someone who has a good sense to get in front of our problems, somebody who has the wisdom to lead us to a place where we are at peace with ourselves in the world.”
Bud is at the bottom of the barrel, believing that his voice would never count, and therefore he never defined his voice. He learns that his voice does matter, and not just because of the fictional happenstance that one vote decides an election, but because the issues themselves matter, and the people matter. I believe that it is our duty as Americans to be involved, to take a stand and fight for what we believe in. No matter who you are, whether you are running for president, or just trying to support your family on minimum wage, you do matter. That is what makes America so great is that every single person in this country has a voice and they are allowed to use it! So why don’t they? How come people don’t believe in themselves, in their voices, in the system, in this country? If people would only believe again they would see that we can fix these problems with our society. We can’t attack this deficit, or make ruling on same sex marriage, or come to a decision on gun control, or anything else, until we have the means to do so. This doesn’t mean money, this doesn’t mean power. This means that we can not decide what is best for America if we have no idea what America is thinking because they are too ignorant or too scared to do anything about the world around them.
I can’t describe how frustrating it is to look at this country and see where we as a society have landed ourselves. We have forgotten what real freedom is. We have forgotten how to make opinions and to support those opinions versus taking sides. We have forgotten that through our disagreements we can actually bring unity. We have forgotten to respect each other, and to respect ourselves. We have forgotten that these rights were not granted to us, but earned and fought for. We have forgotten that just because we can do something, doesn’t mean we should. This country has forgotten what it means to be an American, and until we wake up from this illusion that it is okay for everything to be decided for us, that it is okay to just sit back and let the world happen, we can not proclaim that we are Americans and proud of it. Until we open our eyes, there is nothing to be proud of.
I believe that America needs to wake up and remember what it is that makes us so great. I believe that respect, passion, dignity, and responsibility must be regained. I believe that the system can work and that America is capable of so much more, but only if its citizens work for it. America is like a citizen. It can succeed, or it can fail, it all depends on what it chooses and how hard it works for that success. I believe that America is not trying hard enough, and if we don’t wake up soon, we are bound to fail. The beauty is, I believe we can pick ourselves back up, that if we start fighting for our rights and start believing again, we can come out on top once more.
I believe in a lot of things. I believe in freedom, in respect, in voting and education, but most importantly, I believe people, and that in the end they won’t let America down.
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This I Believe
By Stephanie Ripley
By Stephanie Ripley
“America isn't easy. America is advanced citizenship. You gotta want it bad, 'cause it's gonna put up a fight. It's gonna say "You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who's standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours. You want to claim this land as the land of the free? Then the symbol of your country can't just be a flag; the symbol also has to be one of its citizens exercising his right to burn that flag in protest. Show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms. Then, you can stand up and sing about the ‘land of the free’.”
Since I was a little girl these words have been like my political bible. It may be short and it may be simple, but it guides me not just politically but morally as well. I live by them and swear by them and believe in their meaning passionately and completely. Sure, they are the words of a fictional character, a fictional president at that, but Andrew Shepherd’s words at the end of “The American President” will forever ring true and direct me in life. I wish I could meet Aaron Sorkin, the man who wrote these words, and shake his hand.
“The American President” is one of my all time favorite movies. I didn’t love it simply because it had Michael Douglass, as my mom did, or for the back and forth humor between Andrew Sheppard and his aides that my father loved. What has always captivated me is the speech that President Andrew Shepherd gives at the end of the movie. The press are asking questions about him to his press secretary, asking if he will ever comment on some of attacks his opponent has been slinging. Suddenly, he walks out onto the platform and says, “Yes, he will.” He starts into the speech that to this day continues to inspire me.
Growing up in a family where politics were often discussed and strong opinions were thrown at me from every angle, it was no surprise when I began to take an interest in politics myself, joining in on these conversations with the adults during family get-togethers and expressing my own opinions at a young age. For most kids, their only views were not really views, but teachings, things their parents had instilled in them and taught them to believe but were not based on their own experiences and questions. The same probably would have happened to me, agreeing with what my family members believed, had any of them actually agreed on things.
Alright, so they agree on some things, but they even argue over what they agree on! It can be pretty ridiculous at times, though mildly entertaining. Politics is a touchy subject in my family, especially on my dad’s side. The Ripleys have always been an opinionated bunch and we’re not afraid to show it. Debate is a constant form of communication and “stubbornness” is a common trait in all of us, making our back-and-forths an interesting experience to say the least. My mother learned early on when she married into this family something I am slowly learning myself: Just stay out of it because you can never win. While I know this is true, especially with my grandfather, I still can’t bring myself to “stay out of it”. I’m always throwing in my two cents and defending my arguments until I am so frustrated that I have to leave the room and go play with the little kids in order to calm down. My mom just laughs at me and shakes her head. As much as I hate to admit it sometimes, I really am a Ripley.
It can be hard, disagreeing with people you care about on issues that are important to you. I struggle with this all the time, and not just with my family, but with friends and peers as well. I can’t count the number of times I have sat in this Comparative Politics class or my Contemporary World Problems class, and literally bit my lips to keep from bursting. I can be overly passionate at times and have been known to bite off my friends’ heads when we get into an argument to heatedly, and I always regret it in the end. I want to defend my values, but I wonder sometimes if it is worth it at the expense of my friendships. It’s like that expression, stuck between a rock and a hard place. The sad truth is, I do believe that my values are worth more than my friendships. I hope, though, that I will never have to chose between the two, and so far I haven’t. I’ve had friends that completely disagree with a stance I have taken and that I back whole-heartedly, yet we are still friends. The beliefs shared by Andrew Shepherd, the fictional president, is exactly why this is possible. “Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who's standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours.” I believe in this so completely that I am willing to look past the disagreements and move on to something more productive. What good is fighting? I could fight with this person, argue with them until my lungs give out, and get absolutely nowhere. Or, we could listen to Aaron Sorkin and Andrew Shepherd and continue our friendship and respect each other enough to agree to disagree. I believe that this course of action would not only benefit our own sanity, but if more people would hold these views and actually act accordingly, everyone would be better off. These ‘wars’ between parties would not be so bitter and counter productive. People shouldn’t be afraid or ashamed to support their beliefs, but they do because no one understands the concept of respect.
Respect. Now there’s a word you don’t hear often enough, let alone see being instituted in every day life. People are too concerned with winning, with being on top, that they will do anything to get there, including walking all over respect, dismissing it and spitting on it. In this country, we can not afford to treat respect so poorly. Our country is the Land of the Free! How is anyone truly free if we suppress each other on a daily basis? How are we the Land of the Free if the amount of disrespect people unload upon one another causes us to hide our beliefs, or worse, change them. You can believe whatever you want, but at least have the decency to be educated, and to consider all the opposing arguments. Listen to those words that make your blood boil, and let them stand center stage. Respect them for being brave and informed and passionate. Only when you have done that do you deserve your own podium, to stand up and oppose at the top of your lungs that which they have advocated at the top of theirs.
As children we are taught that it doesn’t matter if you win or lose, as long as you played the game and gave it your all. When did we stop believing this? When did we become so self-centered that we would even toss respect out the window in order to achieve our own ends? When did power become more important that what that power was used for?
The fact that these questions even exist is frightening in its own right. I believe that America has lost itself, that we have forgotten what we are here for, what we were founded upon. We were not suppose to be a country of people who step on each other to reach the top. We were suppose to be a country where those who manage to discover a way to the top, extend a hand and offer help to those below. America may offer opportunity and freedom, but what good are those freedoms if people turn them around and use them to suppress?
I believe that as Americans it is our duty to be informed and our responsibility to be strong and stand our ground. We can not just sit back and allow others to bully us into their views, or to take advantage of our ignorance. It is also our duty to not be the bully, or to take advantage in return. Just because we can step on the little guys doesn’t mean we should. Respect is a powerful thing, a tool that we have forgotten but could do a world of good with if we all would just clear off the dust and wield it once more. This country can not afford to step on each other. As much as so many hate to admit, we are dependant upon one another in more ways than we could possibly realize.
Respect and understanding goes deeper than just our respect for one another as human beings with differing opinions. We are Americans, but we seem to forget just what that means. People do not respect their country anymore, and I believe that this fact is almost more heart breaking than the lack of respect you find between people. Regardless of your stance, chances are you love this country. Why is it, then, we do not respect it? Why do we not respect the obligations set before us enough to actually fulfill them? Most people do not care about the issues, let alone vote and share their opinions. As much as I believe in listening to one another, how can we listen when no one is doing the talking? No one is trying anymore. As the opening quote begins, America is advanced citizenship. You have to want it, because it will put up a fight. And it does put up a fight, one that is easy to win. The problem is that no one cares to fight in the first place. America is a beautiful country because of freedoms granted to us through words written with the blood of those who died fighting for it. They died for an idea, a concept that had yet to be established. They risked their lives, and lost their lives, just for the dream that some day, America would be real. Yet people today aren’t even willing to risk embarrassment, or opposition for something that is here, that does exist. Are we really that pathetic?
Another movie I love is “Swing Vote”. The idea is that somehow the next president will be decided by one single vote, and the world is watching as Bud, a drunk factory worker who doesn’t even know who is running, makes a decision. The two candidates are overly stereotyped towards their parties and Bud is the last person anyone would want deciding who becomes president. Through the course of the movie, the candidates try and play to Bud’s ignorance, something I have already frowned upon. However, they go further than bribery, throwing him parties, and playing to what he knows. They go so far as to change their views to try and sway Bud to their side. The Democrat becomes Pro-Life, the Republican is for Gay Rights and saving the environment. They end up twisting their views for power, and Bud falls for it every time. In the end his daughter, a rather brilliant little girl who knows more about politics and is more confident in her opinions than most American adults, shows Bud just how important his decision is, and why he can’t take this lightly. America waits, begging one man to pick their candidate. In the end Bud realizes that his daughter is right, and decides that he wants to hold a final debate between the two candidates. He takes the time to read the hundreds of thousands of letters people have sent him, and educates himself on the issues. He realizes that just because he has the right to be ignorant and the right to not vote, doesn’t mean he should exercise that right. He finds respect for himself, for the candidates, and for the political system and his country. Bud realizes that from the top of the chain, all the way down to the bottom, we can not afford to be petty, to be misinformed, to be uneducated, or to be disrespectful. We must stop playing games and make the system work the way we were taught it should.
Here is a quote from Bud at the end of the movie in his opening remarks before he moderates the debate:
“I can’t say I’ve been much of anything most of my life. Its sort of like somewhere along the line I checked out and its not like I had big dreams to begin with, but I had something once, something close to faith or hope or whatever word you want to use for how good life could be. But then the years, they start moving quicker and what’ s going good for everybody else ain’t going so good for you. But tonight I feel embarrassed. I’ve had my chances more than most. I’ve grown up in a country where if I decided to do more with my life than just drift and drink, then I could be standing where maybe you stand tonight. Instead I’ve taken freely and I’ve given nothing. I’m ashamed in front of my daughter and my country. I’ve never served or sacrificed. The only heavy lifting I’ve ever been asked is simple stuff like, you know, pay attention. Vote. If America has a true enemy tonight I guess its me. Tonight a below average man is going to chose between two exceptional men. Tomorrow one man’s vote is going to make a difference, cause Tomorrow we are going to have a president and not just someone to fill a chair in Washington. We need someone who’s bigger than their speeches, the kind of president we learned about in school when we still cared. America needs a big thinker. You know, like a giant, really. Someone who has a good sense to get in front of our problems, somebody who has the wisdom to lead us to a place where we are at peace with ourselves in the world.”
Bud is at the bottom of the barrel, believing that his voice would never count, and therefore he never defined his voice. He learns that his voice does matter, and not just because of the fictional happenstance that one vote decides an election, but because the issues themselves matter, and the people matter. I believe that it is our duty as Americans to be involved, to take a stand and fight for what we believe in. No matter who you are, whether you are running for president, or just trying to support your family on minimum wage, you do matter. That is what makes America so great is that every single person in this country has a voice and they are allowed to use it! So why don’t they? How come people don’t believe in themselves, in their voices, in the system, in this country? If people would only believe again they would see that we can fix these problems with our society. We can’t attack this deficit, or make ruling on same sex marriage, or come to a decision on gun control, or anything else, until we have the means to do so. This doesn’t mean money, this doesn’t mean power. This means that we can not decide what is best for America if we have no idea what America is thinking because they are too ignorant or too scared to do anything about the world around them.
I can’t describe how frustrating it is to look at this country and see where we as a society have landed ourselves. We have forgotten what real freedom is. We have forgotten how to make opinions and to support those opinions versus taking sides. We have forgotten that through our disagreements we can actually bring unity. We have forgotten to respect each other, and to respect ourselves. We have forgotten that these rights were not granted to us, but earned and fought for. We have forgotten that just because we can do something, doesn’t mean we should. This country has forgotten what it means to be an American, and until we wake up from this illusion that it is okay for everything to be decided for us, that it is okay to just sit back and let the world happen, we can not proclaim that we are Americans and proud of it. Until we open our eyes, there is nothing to be proud of.
I believe that America needs to wake up and remember what it is that makes us so great. I believe that respect, passion, dignity, and responsibility must be regained. I believe that the system can work and that America is capable of so much more, but only if its citizens work for it. America is like a citizen. It can succeed, or it can fail, it all depends on what it chooses and how hard it works for that success. I believe that America is not trying hard enough, and if we don’t wake up soon, we are bound to fail. The beauty is, I believe we can pick ourselves back up, that if we start fighting for our rights and start believing again, we can come out on top once more.
I believe in a lot of things. I believe in freedom, in respect, in voting and education, but most importantly, I believe people, and that in the end they won’t let America down.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Atlantis pt. 2
This is the second part to Atlantis =] Enjoy. & Please leave comments!
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As we got closer to The Square we could hear the buzz of the village gathering and the sound of The Horn echoing off the buildings. The Horn was only used when there was an emergency or there was to be an unplanned announcement of importance being made. As we came into The Square we found it crowded and we couldn’t see the front of the Council Hall where no doubt the speaker would be. Grabbing my hand Chris led the both of us through the crowd, attempting to push closer to the front. About half-way through, near enough to see a little better, we came across our friend Sylvia and her younger brother Trenton.
“What’s going on?” Chris asked immediately as we came within ear shot to Sylvia.
“I’m not sure. We were inside earlier with our father when suddenly a few of the other council members came running in. I was sent out immediately. There was a stranger with them…” Sylvia seemed worried, though as curious as any child would be. A stranger? Who wouldn’t be curious?
“Silence! Silence!” a loud voiced suddenly called over the crowd. I had been expecting Kiamin to speak, but that was not his voice. I stood on tip toe, attempting to get a better view.
“Everyone, please, quiet down.” The voice repeated. Finally, the crowd began to tone down. The man before them all straightened himself, standing proudly and he had a presence to him that made you want to listen. He seemed nervous as well, though I could not blame him. He was young, hardly older than myself, but he stood tall and with confidence. His name was Joshua, the son of Kiamin and the youngest member of the council. Standing before everyone I couldn’t help but feel proud. Joshua was a friend of mine and often wished that the rest of the village would take him more seriously. While he was wise beyond his years many found his youth to be a negative feature, for youth came with naïve and misguided perspectives. To see him addressing everyone made me glow, realizing he was finally being given than chance to prove he could hold his own within the council.
“The Council was approached this morning by an outsider concerning some very important news. While we had considered waiting until we made a decision on the matter before bringing this news upon you, we do know that whispers are already beginning to travel throughout the village about this stranger and what his message may have concerned. I am here to put an end to these rumors and inform you what the purpose of the stranger’s visit was centered towards.” The rest of The Council sat in chairs on the steps behind Joshua, who stood alone in front of the crowd. We all watched in silence, waiting.
“I have always felt that directness was the best means of relaying information, so pardon my lack of warning. The stranger today has come to us requesting that a family from his nation be allowed to come here for trade. The nation he is from…” I couldn’t help but notice the slight pause in his words and the stutter in his voice. “The nation his from is Atlantis.”
The moment those words left Joshua’s lips the entire Square was up in arms, speaking loudly to everyone around them, yelling all sorts of opinions on the matter.
“No! Their kind isn’t welcome here!” some shouted, while others hollered back that everyone was welcome in Gentue. The words flew back and forth and people were quickly becoming restless.
“Silence!” Joshua’s voice boomed over the crowd and immediately the noise came to a halt. “This man wishes to bring only one small family, a family of which is merely attempting to help their nation rebuild itself. I need not remind anyone of the attack by the Eastern Islands on Atlantis not long ago,” Joshua said almost as a warning, “and we can not deny they need all the economic help they can manage. We are not saying that we are allowing them in, only that the idea is being considered and voted on by The Council. Once a decision is made, you will all be informed. We only pray you stand beside us when that time comes.”
Staring over the crowd with an almost pleading look in his eyes, Joshua recollected himself and turned from the crowd and gave a nod to Kiamin. The men behind Joshua rose from their seats and the chatting began again. I couldn’t help but watch with a curious eye as The Council returned to their quarters.
“They can’t be serious! Why would a place as prestigious as Gentue ever let the likes of them into our village? The idea is preposterous!”
I was shocked when I later heard Chris shouting these words in a variety of ways as we returned down the path to the spot we had been so happily been talking before. The fact that he was so angry surprised me, for children rarely cared much for the politics of society, blowing it off and giving it to the adults to deal with.
“It’s not that big of a deal, Chris,” I said in an attempt to calm him down. Sadly, these attempts failed miserably. If anything, I only enraged him more.
“Not a big deal? Penelope! They are the most … appalling nation of them all! Do you pay attention in history? They nearly wiped out the Eastern Islands a century ago, only a decade after attacking the Western Coast! They have no respect for anyone, not even their own people! They are a monstrous society and deserve what they got!”
“How do you know this family had anything to do with that?”
“They are still trying to support their entire nation and because of that, I don’t care what they had to do with anything.”
The conversation died. I stayed near Chris as the crowd slowly began to disappear around us, heading back to their business or to their own houses. It was silent between us for some time. Sylvia and Trenton departed, sad to see Chris in such a foul mood and asking me what was wrong. I apologized on his behalf, wishing I had an answer to give them.
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As we got closer to The Square we could hear the buzz of the village gathering and the sound of The Horn echoing off the buildings. The Horn was only used when there was an emergency or there was to be an unplanned announcement of importance being made. As we came into The Square we found it crowded and we couldn’t see the front of the Council Hall where no doubt the speaker would be. Grabbing my hand Chris led the both of us through the crowd, attempting to push closer to the front. About half-way through, near enough to see a little better, we came across our friend Sylvia and her younger brother Trenton.
“What’s going on?” Chris asked immediately as we came within ear shot to Sylvia.
“I’m not sure. We were inside earlier with our father when suddenly a few of the other council members came running in. I was sent out immediately. There was a stranger with them…” Sylvia seemed worried, though as curious as any child would be. A stranger? Who wouldn’t be curious?
“Silence! Silence!” a loud voiced suddenly called over the crowd. I had been expecting Kiamin to speak, but that was not his voice. I stood on tip toe, attempting to get a better view.
“Everyone, please, quiet down.” The voice repeated. Finally, the crowd began to tone down. The man before them all straightened himself, standing proudly and he had a presence to him that made you want to listen. He seemed nervous as well, though I could not blame him. He was young, hardly older than myself, but he stood tall and with confidence. His name was Joshua, the son of Kiamin and the youngest member of the council. Standing before everyone I couldn’t help but feel proud. Joshua was a friend of mine and often wished that the rest of the village would take him more seriously. While he was wise beyond his years many found his youth to be a negative feature, for youth came with naïve and misguided perspectives. To see him addressing everyone made me glow, realizing he was finally being given than chance to prove he could hold his own within the council.
“The Council was approached this morning by an outsider concerning some very important news. While we had considered waiting until we made a decision on the matter before bringing this news upon you, we do know that whispers are already beginning to travel throughout the village about this stranger and what his message may have concerned. I am here to put an end to these rumors and inform you what the purpose of the stranger’s visit was centered towards.” The rest of The Council sat in chairs on the steps behind Joshua, who stood alone in front of the crowd. We all watched in silence, waiting.
“I have always felt that directness was the best means of relaying information, so pardon my lack of warning. The stranger today has come to us requesting that a family from his nation be allowed to come here for trade. The nation he is from…” I couldn’t help but notice the slight pause in his words and the stutter in his voice. “The nation his from is Atlantis.”
The moment those words left Joshua’s lips the entire Square was up in arms, speaking loudly to everyone around them, yelling all sorts of opinions on the matter.
“No! Their kind isn’t welcome here!” some shouted, while others hollered back that everyone was welcome in Gentue. The words flew back and forth and people were quickly becoming restless.
“Silence!” Joshua’s voice boomed over the crowd and immediately the noise came to a halt. “This man wishes to bring only one small family, a family of which is merely attempting to help their nation rebuild itself. I need not remind anyone of the attack by the Eastern Islands on Atlantis not long ago,” Joshua said almost as a warning, “and we can not deny they need all the economic help they can manage. We are not saying that we are allowing them in, only that the idea is being considered and voted on by The Council. Once a decision is made, you will all be informed. We only pray you stand beside us when that time comes.”
Staring over the crowd with an almost pleading look in his eyes, Joshua recollected himself and turned from the crowd and gave a nod to Kiamin. The men behind Joshua rose from their seats and the chatting began again. I couldn’t help but watch with a curious eye as The Council returned to their quarters.
“They can’t be serious! Why would a place as prestigious as Gentue ever let the likes of them into our village? The idea is preposterous!”
I was shocked when I later heard Chris shouting these words in a variety of ways as we returned down the path to the spot we had been so happily been talking before. The fact that he was so angry surprised me, for children rarely cared much for the politics of society, blowing it off and giving it to the adults to deal with.
“It’s not that big of a deal, Chris,” I said in an attempt to calm him down. Sadly, these attempts failed miserably. If anything, I only enraged him more.
“Not a big deal? Penelope! They are the most … appalling nation of them all! Do you pay attention in history? They nearly wiped out the Eastern Islands a century ago, only a decade after attacking the Western Coast! They have no respect for anyone, not even their own people! They are a monstrous society and deserve what they got!”
“How do you know this family had anything to do with that?”
“They are still trying to support their entire nation and because of that, I don’t care what they had to do with anything.”
The conversation died. I stayed near Chris as the crowd slowly began to disappear around us, heading back to their business or to their own houses. It was silent between us for some time. Sylvia and Trenton departed, sad to see Chris in such a foul mood and asking me what was wrong. I apologized on his behalf, wishing I had an answer to give them.
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