Poem

This poem is based on the second free write I did a few days ago. I haven't gone over it, this is the first draft, so yeah. Take a look and see what you think ^^;

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Out of all the people in this crazy school, of course he’s the one I notice.
Of course he is the one who I can’t stop thinking about,
the one who’s face lingers in front of my eyes like a bug you can’t swat.
Here I am again, yearning for what I can’t have.
Sometimes you just are not allowed to want a certain guy,
you are not allowed to dream about them and pray that they see you.
Your best friend’s boyfriend is at the top of that list.

And here I am! Wanting him, just as I shouldn’t.
Its not like I planned this or even want things to be this way.
I hated him at first, thought he wasn’t good enough for her.
But he grew on me, becoming a true friend, someone I could trust.
He never judged me, helping me for my sake and not to impress his girl.

I’m not sure which of those words burns my tongue the most.

And now they are worried, wondering why I am avoiding them so desperately,
hiding from them and finding excuses to keep away.
“Don’t worry, he’ll come around,” I hear her telling him.
Ha!
If only she knew.
If only she knew that secretly I longed to take him from her,
to make him want me instead.
If only she knew.

I want to ignore it, to move on and let him go.
He’s just another guy, another stupid guy… but
I can’t stop wondering if he feels the same.
I catch him looking at me, and I know that look.
Is he embarrassed?
Ashamed?
Am I just an idiot reading too much into the glances of a silly boy
gazing across the room at a friend?

I probably am.
No, I definitely am.
I have to keep my distance, to stay away a little longer.
Eventually I’ll come around, I’ll forget him.
What’s a little heartbreak of my own, if it means sparing her that pain?
\