Short Free Write

This is the first of a few free writes I did today. Each free write is from a different point of view from a character of mine. I am not going to give you any other information on any of the characters except for that. Not age, gender, anything about their personality, etc. I would absolutely love it if people would leave comments telling me what their guesses are about the character and what is going on. =] It would really be powerful feedback for me. Thanks guys, and enjoy!!
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Why him? How him? God, of all the people in this crazy school how is he the one I notice? Why is he the one I can’t stop thinking about when he’s not around? And why am I always asking myself so many god damn questions about the exact same things? I hate this, I promise you I do. There are a few things in high school that you just don’t do, and falling for your best friend’s boyfriends is one of them.

Its not like I planned this, or even want it! I didn’t even like the guy at first, I thought he was a prick and even tried to convince her not to date him. I admit, though, that he eventually grew on me. I came to consider him a friend, someone I could trust. He never judged me. I knew he was genuinely interested in befriending me and not just to impress his girlfriend. God, I don’t know which of those two words I hate most.

Now I have them worried about me. I can’t say I blame them. I go from being just another part of the gang to avoiding him at all costs. I knew that they all noticed. I heard her tell him, “Don’t worry, he’ll come around.” Ha! If only she knew. If only she knew I was secretly attracted to her boyfriend, that just being around him made my head spin and my heart race. If she knew, I’m sure she’d be singing a different tune.

I would try to ignore it, to move on and let it go, but I can’t stop wondering if he feels the same. I know its foolish and just plain stupid. He’s with her! Of course he isn’t interested in me! And yes, there are times when I catch him looking at me across the room, and I can just feel it. Is he embarrassed? Ashamed? Or am I reading too much into this again? For now I’ll just keep my distance, bit my tongue and ignore it. I’d rather break my own heart than her’s.